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Wear-a-mask Thursday: Betty White!

Editor’s note: This post was first written when Betty turned 98. But death need not be the end of her influence. Though she has gone into the Great Googly Moogly, her spirit will continue to inspire.

Who among us has a sunnier disposition than the indomitable Betty White? She turned 98 last week, which is no surprise, given that she’s still a force in the entertainment industry. *

So what’s the secret to an existence like Betty’s? Research shows that optimism contributes to 11 to 15 percent longer life span, and to greater odds of living to the age of 85 or beyond. But White has exceeded that by more than a decade. To what does she attribute that extra oomph?

“I know it sounds corny, but I try to see the funny side and the upside, not the downside” she said in a recent interview.  That’s right, Betty knows it’s best to look at every situation, even the crappy ones, and at least get a laugh or two out of it. (Like her first marriage to a rural chicken farmer that lasted six months.) As Betty is proving, it’s not just optimism, it’s SuperOptimism that can propel you to the century mark in style.**

And while you’re at it, it never hurts to light a votive candle just in case.

*Guinness has awarded Betty the world record for longest TV career for an entertainer — 75 years (and counting).

**You’ll also find vodka, hot dogs and red licorice on Betty’s training table. 

***Final note: Betty said she had no fear of death. Her mom taught her that,’It’s the one secret that we don’t know. Whenever she would lose somebody very close and very dear, she would always say, ‘Well, now he knows the secret.’ Now Betty knows the secret too!

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Want to feel better instantly? Think of George Washington.

Whether you’ve got a cold, or Covid, or melancholia, or something that’s not yet in the medical textbooks, take comfort in the fact that many have been in worse shape — and even survived to become president.

Before George Washington concerned himself with the health of our nation, America’s first commander-in-chief had to contend with an amazing array of personal afflictions. During the course of his life, he dealt with smallpox, malaria (six times), diphtheria, anthrax, dysentery, tuberculosis (twice), quinsy, carbuncle and pneumonia, to say nothing of losing all his teeth.* It’s only fitting that there’s a hospital in D.C. named after him.

While George needed some luck to make it through these gauntlets (not to mention a brutal war with the British), it’s important to recognize the capacity of the human organism to fight sickness. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to take care of your body along the way. To this end, George exercised faithfully, supped and grogged in moderation, tried to get the proper sleep, and avoided tobacco.

He also believed in balms and nostrums to keep the grim reaper at bay. According to records from his presidential library, among the items he ordered from an English apothecary in 1759 were the following:

6 Bottles Turlingtons Balsam
8 Oz. Spirit of Lavender
1/2 lb. Ipecacuane powderd
1/2 lb. Jallop powderd
12 Oz. Venice Treacle
4 Oz. best Rhubarb
12 Oz. Diascordium
4 lb. Pearle Barley
4 Oz. Balsam Capevi
5 Oz. Liquod Laudanum
5 Oz. Spirits Hartshorn
4 Oz. Spanish Flies
3 lb. Bird Lyme
6 lb. Oyl Turpentine
2 lb. Linseed Oyl—cold drawn
4 lb. Allam
1 lb. Spirma Citi
4 Oz. Tincture of Myrrh
4 Oz. Balsum Sulpher
4 Oz. Pulvus Basilic
2 Oz. Mer. Dulcis
4 Oz. Salvolatile
10 lb. Hartshorne Shaving
2 Quarts strong Cinamon Water
While many of these treatments are no longer popular, rhubarb has plenty of antioxidants and lavender is used for insomnia, acne and hair loss. But please take it easy with the laudanum. That’s a very powerful concoction.**
For more on this amazing survival story, try the  Washington Post,  the Library at Mount Vernon, or Doctor Zebra.

*Yes, George ultimately died of epiglottitis at age 67, but that may be because they practiced blood-letting back then and removed 35% of his plasma. And besides, 67 was elderly for the early 1800s. Men like Washington were lucky to survive into their late forties or early fifties. Women had it even tougher.

**Laudanum was considered a cure-all in Washington’s day, and why not? It contains a mixture of opium, alcohol, morphine and codeine. It’s doubtful a doctor would prescribe this today, but you can ask.

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The beauty of going backward.

Humans have long taken pride in their ability to “push forward” and “tackle the challenge ahead.”  Yet even if you’re dead-set on getting somewhere in life, there’s much to be gained from spending part of your day moving in the opposite direction. Here are some simple activities that underscore the benefits of going in reverse, both mentally and physically.

Walk backward: Native American folklore suggests that 100 steps backward are as good as 1,000 steps forward. According to present-day health experts, that’s not just a spiritual maxim. Incorporating 10 minutes of backward walking or jogging a few times a week provides you with increased body coordination, improved sleep cycles, increased strength in leg muscles, sharpened thinking skills, and improved balance. Who couldn’t use more of those?

A Texas man tried to make it around the world this way.

Heal backward: Modern medicine continues to turn back the clock in favor of treating the whole person and not just the outward symptoms of disease.  Even general practitioners have begun prescribing the same tinctures and plants the Chinese were using 2,000 years ago. Acupuncture, fasting, reiki… and NYU School of Medicine is researching the benefits of microdosing psychedelics on PTSD, anxiety and depression. The hippies were ahead of their time.

It’s best to nourish Yin in the fall and winter, Yang in the spring and summer.

Record backward: Backmasking is a recording technique in which a sound or message is recorded backward onto a track that is meant to be played forward. Backmasking was popularised by the Beatles, who used backward instrumentation on their 1966 album Revolver, particularly the guitar solo on “Tomorrow Never Knows.” (Note: the later chant of “Paul is dead” when playing “Revolution Number 9” backwards was a concoction of an overzealous fan in Michigan and not an example of backmasking.)

It was 54 years ago today, give or take a few months.

Think backward:  Da Vinci often wrote backwards, his notes only decipherable when held up to a mirror. Ginger Rogers is praised for having done everything Fred Astaire did—but backwards. Philip K. Dick wrote an interesting novel about people experiencing life in reverse, starting with death.

“Your appointment will be yesterday.”

Work backward:  Rather than starting with an idea and trying to persuade customers to embrace it, here one starts with the customer and works backward to figure out what they want. At Amazon, the process begins with a manager writing an internal press release announcing the debut of a new product, with information about how current solutions are failing and why the new product will solve this problem. Only then is a decision is made whether to actually develop it.

Echo frames let you talk to Alexa and make phones calls…no, really.

Age backward: Is this really possible?  Well, it can’t hurt to try.

It’s basically about stretching and moving instead of sitting on your keister all day.

Keep going backward: Obviously, this backward business is also invaluable when considering our individual response to climate change, turning back clocks for daylight savings time, and watching movies shot before you were born.

It’s never too early for this one.

A reminder that January 31st is “National Backward Day”. Start now and by the time the day rolls around, you’ll be an expert at reverse logic.

*It’s interesting to note that the ability to recite the alphabet backwards is used both as an indicator of giftedness in children, and as a measure of sobriety in adults.

 

 

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Wear-a-mask Wednesday: Go the “Full Sonoma”

Most residents of planet earth dealing with the threat of Covid-19 are either sheltering in place, masking up, or living with risk.

When you’re ready to graduate from simple cloth.

In Sonoma County, a place that one SuperOptimist calls home, it’s a quintuple threat: Corona, wildfire, toxic smoke, unusual heat, and power outages.  The fallout from the largest fire in local history renders the air so toxic with smoke that one must close all windows and stay inside sweating profusely, and it’s especially bad when the rolling blackouts render the air purifiers useless.
This situation can be looked at as a being dealt an incredibly bad hand — or as a time of magnificent opportunity and challenge. The challenge being to avoid distraction from fear and media noise and put all your focus on the creative work you’ve been meaning to tackle.
Resistance to this challenge comes in a thousand forms. Aside from pandemics, wildfires and blackouts, a few favorites are self-doubt, financial worry, health fears, life mistake rumination, vast depression, physical exhaustion, booze or substance reliance, dull-witted family members, and general public stupidity. Oh, and politics. These are ideas espoused by Steven Pressfield in his book “The War Of Art.”  In short, you’ll face heavy resistance the minute you sit down to begin.
Joyce Carol Oates said that the greatest enemy for writers is interruption. So maybe being trapped under your mask in your room is not a problem but an opportunity. Lock yourself inside and write the novel you have put off for the last five years. Close up the studio door and do the ten epic paintings. Stop paying attention to all the hot noise, inflamed tweets, dull nonsense and jabber. Ask yourself: did worrying about the outside world ever do you any good? Nope.
Maybe it’s time to live in that small world between your ears and see what kind of excitement you can stir around up there in the cerebral cortex. Maybe it’s not that small after all.
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Show the virus you mean business.

Is rushing out to buy a closet full of face masks really the best way to confront your fear of catching the deadly COVID-19?

We think not.

For one thing, masks are really intended for those doing the spreading of disease, not those who are trying to avoid it. They offer little guarantee of preventing the illness due to the size of the microbes that can penetrate the mask (not to mention people’s habit of removing the masks to touch, scratch, and poke at their face).

But perhaps most important, these masks make you look like you’re already on your way to the hospital — or worse. Just by putting one on, you’re admitting you’re scared to death of getting sick. This fear and stress is a real turn-off to your immune system, and can cause you to be more susceptible to catching the virus, not less!

For a SuperOptimist, a face mask is not the weapon of choice for confronting the coronavirus. Facing a pandemic we have no control over, we recommend confronting it head on — by wearing the helmet of your choice.*

Whether it be Roman Gladiator, Viking, vintage leather football, World War II infantry, or standard construction model, sporting a good, solid helmet at all times makes it clear to the world that a deadly virus will not intimidate you, no siree. A helmet says you’re not to be messed with by airborne particles (or anything else, for that matter).

Not only that, the confidence you’ll exhibit wearing a helmet will have your colleagues at work taking a step back in order to let you pass. That’s a good thing, as the farther they are away from you, the less likely you’ll pick up their germs. Plus if you live in an urban environment, a helmet will protect you from falling debris from construction sites, of which there are many.

So rather than quarantine yourself in public behind a surgical mask, we advise you to wash your hands frequently, avoid close contact with sick people, and grab yourself a helmet.  Now get out there and show those microbes of malfeasance who’s boss!

*While we subscribe to time-honored holistic methods of healthcare, we are not licensed physicians. Ask your doctor if SuperOptimism is right for you.

 

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Complaining is good for you!

There’s a groundswell of opinion out there that unfettered positivity is the key to a happy, successful life. It’s been posited that those people who complain about their situations are digging a hole for themselves, a hole that leads to failure, social isolation, and death!

But what if these cheerful idiots are wrong?

As with most blanket pronouncements, their claim of constant conviviality is utter nonsense. Complaining is like perspiring. It’s part of human nature, and a necessary outlet for dealing with the stresses and strains of mortality. Life is hard, whether you’re a trash collector attempting to wake up at 4 am for your Thursday shift, or Nicole Kidman working hard to cling to the top of the Hollywood pecking order.

So if you feel guilty for not feeling constantly “happy” or “well-adjusted,” you have our permission to stop right now and let out a good, long sigh, followed by a string of choice expletives, some of which can be found here.

Give yourself license to let off some steam. Otherwise, when things really do go off the rails in your life, you won’t have the tools to deal with the problem successfully.*

*Of course, constant complaining can drive your friends and family mad, and eventually, cause them to evade your presence. Make sure you mix it up a little, and add self-effacing humor to your litany of problems, to give it that “universal feel.” And if you’re really down in the dumps, may we suggest a vacation here.

 

 

 

 

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Pain? Illness? Hair loss? Snake oil to the rescue!

Anybody who tries to sell us a quick remedy for obesity, a fountain-of-youth formula, or a miracle cure for back pain is usually called a cheat, a charlatan, or a cur.

But is that fair assessment of snake oil salesmen? Not necessarily!

As it turns out, snake oil does have measurable health effects, assuming you’re using the authentic formula derived from the fat of the Chinese water snake. This fat is processed and refined into a concentrated oil that possesses high levels of EPA, an omega-3 fatty acid directly linked to a number of benefits for human health.

So while the term “snake oil” is derisively used to label fraudulent medical remedies or shady wheeler-dealers, the EPA found in the original blend can indeed loosen up stiff joints and relieve inflammation in various parts of the body.  It also has analgesic properties which makes it a popular balm following an injury or surgery, or during a chronic illness that causes constant pain. Used as a rub, this oil can also speed up healing of wounds and injuries.

Not only that, if you find yourself blowing a gasket without a good explanation, rub a small amount of snake oil on your temples, or apply it to your chest, and feel your mood improve.  And don’t forget the scalp! The traditional use of snake oil includes massaging small amounts into the cranium in order to prevent hair loss.*

But Caveat Emptor, as Carnival Bob always says. There are plenty of snakes in the world, but their venom doesn’t contain the level of EPA that will help cure your ills. American patent-medicine peddlers of the late 1900’s sold liniments labeled “rattlesnake oil”, but the oil of rattlesnakes has 1/10th the level of omega 3 that the Chinese water snake has.

*We’re also perfectly comfortable with male pattern baldness, as it provides a boost for sales of hats and sunscreens vital for the U.S. economy.

 

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Pineapple for everyone!

Nothing says “You’re welcome here!” like a pineapple — without question the most historically valid symbol of hospitality of any fruit or vegetable, and bursting with healthy goodness besides.

The first account of the pineapple was given by Christopher Columbus and his men, who landed on the island now known as Guadeloupe on their second voyage of discovery. One of the first things they saw was a pineapple (though they had no name for it).

Columbus brought the succulent fruit back to Europe in 1493. Its cylindrical shape and rough, spiky surface caused the Spaniards to name it “pina,” after the pine cone, although the pineapple is much larger by comparison. The English noted the same resemblance, but also liked apples, hence the word “pineapple.”

Spaniards began placing a pineapple at the entrance to a village as a sign of welcome. This symbolism spread to Europe, then to Colonial North America, where families would set a fresh pineapple in the middle of the table as a colorful centerpiece, especially when visitors joined them in celebration. The fruit would then be served as a special desert after the meal. Often when the visitor spent the night, he was given the bedroom that had pineapples intricately carved on the bedposts or atop the headboard — even if the bedroom belonged to the head of the household. Thus the phrase “I slept with the pineapples” means getting a good night’s rest.

Today, the medical community sings the praises of the pineapple, since it’s rich in vitamins, enzymes and antioxidants. A serving of pineapple contains 130% of your daily requirement of Vitamin C, as well as thiamin which assists the body in energy production. Pineapples also contain the anti-inflammatory enzyme Bromelain. What’s more, drinking pineapple juice is said to be five times more effective than cough syrup when you have a tickle in your throat. What’s not to like?

Shown above: British politician Margaret Thatcher holding up a pineapple for good luck during her 1978 campaign. It must have worked, as she won the election to become the first woman prime minister in the western world.

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