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Burn the bridge. Enjoy the warmth.

Right or wrong, good or not-so-good, sane or mad, making a choice and then committing ourselves to it can be considered the most valuable practice in life. To set out on a course of action and eliminate any route of escape reduces the chance of compromise.

The expression “Burn one’s bridge” comes from the very act of burning down a wooden crossing after marching over it during a military campaign, leaving no choice but to continue moving forward while making it more difficult for your enemies to follow.* When there’s no turning back to the cushy existence you enjoyed before rowing away from shore, you have only your goal to go.

When it comes to his goal, the captain is “all in.”

Think of Ahab and his pursuit of the great white whale. He could have cut bait, steered the boat back to harbor, propped up his feet and puffed on a fat cigar. Instead, nothing would deter him from that final face-off with the great Moby D.

Of course, things didn’t turn out pleasantly for the captain. But there’s no arguing that it made for a more striking obituary.  And herein lies the point. It’s the story you wind up with that’s important.  Lashed to a monstrous mammal with your own rope? Now that’s the way to go!

Joe Heller wasn’t a whale hunter, but he did warrant a memorable send-off.

Who wants to die sitting in an easy chair trying to digest another big meal? Achieving a goal requires a climb up a steep, steep mountain, even at the risk of leaving behind a job, a relationship or a soft, comfortable couch that beckons to you when the pursuit becomes difficult in the extreme.

*Of course, you can also use the expression “break the kettles and sink the boats,” an ancient Chinese saying that refers to Xiang Yu’s order at the Battle of Julu in 207 BC.  

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Choose a volume at random.

1. Travel to your local library.

2. Closing your eyes, walk down an aisle.

3. Pull a volume chosen at random from the stacks.

4. Without looking at the book, turn to a random page.

5. Now open your eyes and read the right-hand page.

6. Whatever is on the page, allow it to inspire an action corresponding to its contents.

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Give yourself a low-maintenance makeover.

They say “when you look good, you feel good.” So what change can you make to improve how you feel?

According to scientists from Harvard and Boston University, applying bright color to the lips not only makes the wearer feel more confident, others will perceive you to be more reliable and competent than those going without.

Researchers also discovered that students who wear makeup actually score better on tests. Wearing cosmetics apparently leads to overall enhancement in self-esteem, attitude, and personality that carries over to the exam room.

Now while these studies were conducted on women, we’re confident in this age of experimentation and fluid gender roles, men can also benefit from a bold choice of color.* After all, guys weren’t shy about applying foundation a few hundred years ago. An 18th century gentleman usually owned a dressing-box that held his razor cases, scissors, combs, curling irons, oil and scent bottles, rouge and powder. Even  soldiers wore wigs throughout the 18th century.

A hundred or so years later, androgenous rock stars of the 1970s (and 80s and 90s…) weren’t shy about accentuating their attitude with makeup. The New York Dolls made red lipstick the cornerstone of their first album cover.

So if you want to give your day a boost, score better on multiple choice tests, and provoke discussion on that next zoom call, you may just find dabbing on some Tom Ford Scarlet Rouge provides the spark you’re looking for. **

*The market for men’s cosmetics is predicted to grow $49 billion this decade.

**Of course, if you prefer using your natural gifts to win friends and attract people, remember the words of Dale Carnegie: “A smile costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.”

 

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Feeling stuck? Here’s how to cut yourself loose.

Do you ever feel like you’re being held captive by societal norms?  (You know, all the nonsense you’ve absorbed over the course of your life from well-meaning parents, teachers and authority types.) It’s as if you were Jonathan Swift’s Gulliver, tethered by ropes. Except yours are internal and prevent you from unleashing the full power of your imagination on the universe.

So what’s a simple way to unglue yourself  and experience blue skies again?

At SuperOptimist headquarters, when the walls start closing in, we turn to artists of the Dada period for inspiration.  Emerging from the ashes of World War I, Dadaists saw society’s view of “normality” as irrational and created art that completely challenged traditional views of class, religion, politics, technology and morals.

Their reactions to society’s hollow constraints are just as valid in 2021 as they were a century ago, when Tristan Tzara published a short poem on how to free yourself from rigid thought with an act of anti-authoritarian aplomb.

Découpé (or cut-up) is performed by taking any piece of linear writing — say, a newspaper article, a page from a book, or the instruction sheet for plugging in a wifi router — and remodeling it in a spontaneous and uncontrolled way. By doing so, you will bypass the inner critic who demands that things be neat, ordered, and understandable.  Here are Tzara’s instructions, slightly modified.

Take some scissors.

Cut out each of the words that makes up the piece of writing.

Put the words in a bag, a hat, or shoebox.

Shake gently.

Remove one word at a time from the bag.

Copy the words in the order in which they left the bag.

According to Tzara, the poem that you construct will resemble you.

While a newspaper article is a perfectly good material for your initial foray (after all, they’re basically publishings the same stories now that they were in Tzara’s time), we prefer taking an expensive book that society has deemed important and valuable, and cutting up a page to prove that even “great art” should not be held in such high regard. This is a good step to freeing yourself completely from the social construct, and letting your superego know who’s boss!

As you contemplate your next act of non-compliance, enjoy this short film that brings Dada into the present, and see if that doesn’t shake you loose from whatever’s holding you back. Better to embrace nonsense like this than the nonsense we call “success.”

 

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Your luck is about to change. We can feel it.

Having a special number that has sacred meaning for you is something that’s simple to do, but offers invaluable strength when facing daily challenges like deciding what PIN number to program into your ATM card.

One case in point: the number four (“4”) is sacred to the Zia Indians, as this digit embodies the powers of nature – the four directions of east, west, north, and south, the seasons, and the ages of man. 4 was also Babe Ruth’s number, a fortunate choice as he powered the Yankees to 7 world championships and hit 714 homers aided only by hotdogs, not steroids.

Of course, the Chinese would disagree. 4 is a dreaded number in their view. This is because it sounds similar to the Chinese word ‘si’ which means ‘death’.  The Sultan of Swat died at age 53, so they might have a point.

For your number, you may want to reflect on the best year of your life thus far. Then again, you could just pick a number out of a hat and immediately tattoo it on your chest in a sign of “letting go.” Whatever you decide, choose a number that means something to you.* Write it down and place it in your wallet for easy referral.

Use your new number as often as you can. If you’re drafted by a professional sports team, request the number on your jersey. When asked how many silver dollar flapjacks you want at breakfast, request this number.  If you customize your license plate, use it after your nickname, or “go big” and legally change your name to a number as our extremely successful friend 834,216 did.

May your number prove to be a winner in all areas of life. Good luck to you!

*If want to get esoteric about it, you could ask a numerologist to “do your numbers” for you. Among them are your life path, your destiny, your soul urge, and your inner dream.  Some swear by it. Some swear at it. It’s entertaining, whatever your view.

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Thoreau yourself in the snow.

Many centuries ago, zen monks of the Rinzai school disavowed the notion of man’s superiority to animals, plants, water, fire, or even the earth itself. These monks spent years communing with nature, never seeing another person as they retreated to the mountainous caves to meditate. They reached out their hands to the universe and became one with it. Their meditative skills equipped them with the skills to handle both the isolation and the elements in good health.

Zen Teachings of the Rinzai

Later, 19th Century naturalist Henry Thoreau wrote of his fondness for solitude, wandering alone through the forests, beaches and back roads of Massachusetts. In fact, he gave himself a position which demanded he strike out from his one-room cabin no matter what the weather.  “For many years I was self-appointed inspector of snow-storms and rain-storms, and did my duty faithfully…”

Today, we find ourselves in the crux of winter, amidst a pandemic, with more snow forecast in the coming days. What would Henry do? He’d bundle up, head outside and lose himself in the day. Not content to simply traipse through the cold, he would pause to listen to a storm and it’s special characteristics.  He’d look closely at the snowflake, marveling at the amazing symmetry of each hexagonal formation. He might measure the accumulation.  (And if he had a smartphone, he might take some pictures.

So the next time you see the flakes start to fall, why not go inspect them yourself. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to cozy up to a tree and offer your hand. Give a plant a warm greeting. Say hello to a small pile of dirt, or a nice fat rock, or a bird that has seen fit to remain near rather than flying south. All of a sudden, you have an infinite number of new friends* who remain constantly by your side, in “good” weather and “bad.”

*But take care with the snakes, you never know if they are poisonous.

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Returning to square one? How fortunate!

Whether it’s a stalled career, the end of a relationship, or recurring doubt raised in one’s spiritual practice, people consider having to start over to be a truly crummy experience.  Going back to the beginning is considered the mark of failure in a world that celebrates winning, victory, and happy endings.

But we’re here to tell you that square one is a super place to be!   For that square is your square. And your square, by definition, is perfect, with each side equal to the other 3 sides.

Some of the most noble professionals in their fields are constantly scrapping their work in order to begin anew. Scientists are always having to confront their failure to prove a theory and start afresh. Buddhist masters talk about starting over with every breath, to be in the moment with each exhalation and inhalation. For them, square one is actually the enlightened place to be. And let’s not forget all the wonderful artists who have spent a career working with, around, and into squares. Mr. Albers among them.

Besides, if being at square one was so bad, why would Square One Parachutes use the name for their business? If ever there was a pursuit you want to feel positive about, it’s leaping out of plane at 12,000 feet.  If this skydiving accessories manufacturer can proudly announce their comfort with being at square one, surely you can!

So the next time you curse the gods for hitting a dead end, frustrated at having to reinvent the wheel yet again, remember that starting from scratch is something to embrace and celebrate. Congratulations and welcome back to square one!

back to square one t-shirt

*The origin of the phrase “square one” originates from radio broadcasts of European football games. To help the listener visualize the action, the field was divided up into a grid of imaginary squares, with square one centering on the goalmouth. Interesting that square one is actually closest to the goal.

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Thus spaketh King Larry.

We’ve never looked at television host Larry King as an oracle, at least not until his death at the age of 87. Only then were we made aware of a quote attributed to him that could be the simplest explanation of how to navigate the vicissitudes of life.

“If you have passion, a chip on the shoulder, a sense of humor, and you can explain what you do very well, it doesn’t matter if you’re a plumber or a singer or a politician. If you have those four things, you are interesting.”

Perhaps Larry was only referring to whether you’d be a decent subject for one of his interview programs. But in this salient nugget of wisdom, he could well be stating what all the monks, priests, scholars and philosophers have spent centuries and volumes trying to define as a “life worth living.”  Let’s break it down to it essentials, shall we?

  1. Like Ishmael, what is your great white whale? Do you have a strong and barely controllable emotion about something in your life? Whether it be the arts or fiduciary accounting, pursue it until your EKG reads “zero.”* Even if there is little chance of success that your single apple seed turns into a full-blown orchard, the Sisyphean climb up your mountain will produce plenty of strong memories and interesting fodder for psychiatrists, sociologists and yes, talk show hosts to study.
  2. Believe in yourself. No matter how uncertain, insolvent, or unbalanced you are, put that chip on your shoulder and don’t let anyone knock it off. Who are they to question your love of ice baths? Like Larry quoting Lenny Bruce, tell them to go unfuck themselves.
  3. Laugh long and hard, and at your own screwups most of all. For those who can chortle at the absurdity of the world tend to live until at least 87 years of age.*
  4. Get a story and stick with it. Even if you have many interests, many side hustles, and many dreams, formulate a simple narrative about yourself and repeat as often as necessary. In Larry’s case, that started with his name.

*Despite many people thinking Larry had died ages ago, he actually just kicked the bucket on Saturday. Utilizing his own four point system detailed above, he managed to beat the actuarial table by a good 8 years.

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The answer to America’s problems? Isn’t it obvious?

The following is a special wild-card weekend editorial.

Ask any citizen of the United States and their answer will be the same: our country is in big trouble. Whether it’s white nationalists raising holy hell based on their latest conspiracy theories, billionaire technocrats deciding where to draw the line on free speech, or the gaping inequality between rich and poor growing more grotesque by the paycheck, our current situation looks grim indeed.

Nowhere is this disintegration of humanity more in evidence than in our nation’s capitol, stoked by a professional class of elected leaders too fearful of losing office to protect our democracy (recent post-riot speeches excepted). Given the lack of willingness to compromise displayed by party leaders and the ideological rift between the two dominant parties, some experts say America is heading towards a second civil war — quite possibly before the next presidential election.

So is there a more positive way for Washington to govern, for red and blue states to agree on the fundamentals, and for the populace to rally around their leaders for the good of all?  We say yes! And it involves the most American of objects, an oblong leather-bound ball with laces that unites the nation every Sunday (and in the case of wild card playoffs, Saturday as well).

Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green… whatever their party affiliation, Americans can’t get enough of football. We sacrifice things like better schools and public libraries to build massive stadiums to honor our local teams, and the high price of NFL game attendance — tickets average around $150 — doesn’t stop all classes of people from rubbing shoulders as they fill these fishbowls to near capacity each Sunday (not counting Covid season).

So how can we marry the much-adored game of football with the unwieldy, uncooperative workings of Washington? Simple. Form teams from the three branches of government along party lines. The winner of a game of football between D.C. Democrats and Republicans could decide if a bill winds up in the trash can or enshrined as a law. It could determine if the Supreme Court hears an argument against Arctic Drilling, or leaves it in the lower courts.  Even allowing for a few hours for the losing side to complain about the refereeing, the fate of any important issue could be decided in just a day or two!  

If laws were decided through football, the American people would be more engaged in civic processes than ever. For one thing, it would make the process of governing fun to follow. As much as we talk, text and tweet our opinions about politics, the day-to-day activities of each branch are extremely boring and nearly unwatchable. It feels like divine intervention when CSPAN leaves a poorly-attended House debate to cover a Presidential motorcade, but that’s not saying much. Now consider the audience for a show that combines sports talk with political commentary. Through the roof!

Right now, fans act like game day is a matter of life or death when all that’s at stake is their parlay bet on DraftKings. Think of how much they’ll care when their actual lives are on the line. “TOUCHDOWN! THAT MEANS MORE IMMIGRANTS, BABY! TAKE THAT, REPUBLICANS!”  They’ll be cheering for teams representing their city or state with an even greater passion, and with football as the focus, the American people would write and call their representatives more readily with complaints about their play-calling and performance, and show up en masse on election days to ensure their team has the best possible players. 

Football would also be a healthier outlet for our heightened aggression, the gridiron providing the perfect location to settle simmering feuds among our elected officials. Imagine Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in the trenches against Ted Yoho, the Republican who called her a “f***ing bitch,” ready to unleash a pancake block when the ball is snapped. Or “Mean Mitch” McConnell responding to Biden campaign manager Jen O’Malley Dillon’s smear of the right with an open-field tackle to prevent a certain score. Just because the play has been whistled dead doesn’t mean the vendetta is settled. Who could resist watching Rashida Tlaib lay a late, cheap hit on Texas Republican Bill Flores, incurring a penalty of lower taxes and increased defense spending in the process? 

As more and more Congressional leaders age into dementia while holding on to their seats, football would also nudge the country to send younger, fresher talent to D.C. While the jobs of any of the three branches of government are demanding, they tend to exercise the brain a lot more than the body. With legislative business determined by playing smashmouth football, there would be need for field generals to exhibit strength in their quads and hamstrings, not just their ability to raise piles of PAC cash. So if players from the greatest generation can’t shape up, they’d quickly lose re-election to new blood that could ram their party’s legislative agenda into the end zone.  Meanwhile, the power players throwing, catching and running the ball would be freshmen representatives or baby-faced SCOTUS clerks. 

Given America’s insatiable appetite for the sport, football can bring the country together at a crucial time, fusing our love of scrambling quarterbacks and defensive schemes with the process of governing that will be embraced by conservatives and liberals alike. And then? We export our pigskin politics to the rest of the world — so our conflicts in the Middle East and our stalemates with Russia and China can all be solved peacefully on the gridiron, rather than the battlefield. 

Governance through football: May it lead us forward as one nation, indivisible, with liberty and slant patterns for all!

Special thanks to University of Michigan sports writer Jack Whitten for co-authoring this editorial.

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A surefire cure for the blues? Let’s dance!

Brand new year, same old pandemic. With no end in sight for social distancing, lockdowns and work/eat/study/everything-from-home, how can you survive countless more months before your vaccine is ready with your sense of wellbeing — and humor — in tact?

Our suggestion? While continuing to isolate in your apartment, cabin or RV, why not try the “Holy Moly Doughnut Shop.” Or the “Spooky Scary Skeletons.” Or “The Smeeze.”

We’re speaking, of course, about getting your groove on. Sure, dancing might not be the first thing that comes to mind when pulling off the covers and facing another Blursday, especially if you’re not 16 years old and monitoring TikTok 23 hours a day. But just because you’re a decade (or more) out of high school doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dust off your best moves and take every opportunity to go full out to the music.

To start, think of the positive effects on your body. According to Dr. Nick Smeeton from the University of Brighton, when you’re doing The Whoa, The Swagg Bouncee or The Cosby Walk, you expend more than 300 calories every half-hour, equal to a run or swim. All of that starting, stopping and changing directions burns a ton of fuel even though you’re not covering a lot of ground. The up-and-down and side-to-side movements of dance may likewise activate and train many of your body’s little support muscles and tendons.

The psychological benefits are also impressive. Research dating back to the 1980s supports the idea that dancing can curb anxiety. Some shrinks have prescribed dancing as an effective therapy for those who suffer from social anxiety or fear of public speaking.

The idea: if you can loosen up enough to do The Renegade in front of strangers, you’re a lot less likely to feel self-conscious when hanging out or speaking in front of an audience. Posting a video of yourself attempting to follow Charli D’Amelio’s moves is a good way to ease into the practice.

It doesn’t matter what you dance to — the latest Dua Lipa song, or something a little more retro. Get those helicopter hands working, and we’ll see you…hopefully sooner than later.

NOTE: In truth, any music that makes you tingle in a good way contributes to SuperOptimism.  Except for ballet. It’s hard to be SuperOptimistic in overly tight shoes.

 

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