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Forgetting more than usual? You may be a genius!

Recently, a friend of the SuperOptimist expressed concern that their memory was heading south. “I just finished this great book about New York last week. It’s called…uh…oh, my god, what’s the name of it…this is frightening…I can’t remember anything anymore!”

We’re not sure if it’s this one but it sure looks good.

They proceeded to recount how they had been forgetting the names of movies they’d recently watched, restaurants where they’d just scored takeout, even a good friend’s name who was standing right in front of them. “I keep calling you Nancy when your name is Nicole! Is this what age is doing to me?”

Here’s another good book, though nothing to do with memory.

None of us is immune to the effects of getting older, especially on memory. As SuperOptimists, we forget stuff all the time (and are constantly being reminded of it by our well-meaning friends and spouses). But rather than freak out when we call Dave “Don”, or think Millard Fillmore was the 14th president of the United States,* we give ourselves credit for forgetting. Why? Because it’s a sure sign that we are highly intelligent!

Scientists at the University of Toronto have published a study that suggests that the struggle to find the right word, whiff on a name, and blank on a fact are all signs you’re super smart. They posit that forgetfulness is important, as it’s merely the brain making space to take in more crucial information, the kind that helps you make better decisions going forward. Will knowing that Jason Bateman starred as the Mutant in “Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium” help you survive another day on planet earth? Probably not. ** So forget it!

But you still might enjoy this Jason Bateman keepsake.

So the next time you have a memory lapse, don’t think you’re “losing it.”  Instead, know that you’re simply taking the time to empty out your overloaded brain tank. Besides, worrying about losing one’s memory will only serve to further clog your pipes and have you flailing about for your next sentence.

To help you, we’ve created this list of the things really worth remembering:

1. Date of birth.

2. Credit card number/expiration date/four digit code.

3. Name of spouse or significant other.

4. Which local pizza establishment serves the best garlic knots.

5. Cleanup hitter for your hometown baseball team.

6. Company you work for and immediate superior at work.

All other information is fine to forget. Of course, if you’re dead set on trying to retain every last detail you’ve ever absorbed, there are certain mind tricks that can make you seem sharp at parties. Why not start with the names of the hosts and their street address?

We remember enjoying this book a while back.

It’s a great feeling to create more space inside your cranium. So go ahead, enjoy a little memory loss. And remember, you’re all the smarter for it!

*Fillmore was actually the 13th president. Speaking of chief executives, do you know the names of all 46?  (Hint: that’s a trick question.)

**However, remembering that a donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won’t could very well help save your life one day.

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Three magic words that will set you free.

Whether you’re talking about free markets vs. government intervention,  Peloton vs. Soulcycle, or who qualifies as the best rock band of all time, everyone seemingly has an opinion. Some more educated than others.

He did a lot of thinking in his day.

Yet most people have no more idea what they’re talking about than your well-meaning friend who has the answers to all the world’s problems, if only the world would come to his basement and hear him out. (There are a lot of these people in crawlspaces and parents’ attics on social media now. The strength of their opinion would seem to derive from years of hard study, though scratch their surface and it’s more the adoption of peer group discourse than any hard-won research.

What do you like? What does everyone else like?

In this age of big data and internet everything, one may think they can google, quora, reddit or wiki the answer to every question instantly. But more is learned by experience and exploration than reading a post on social media. And even then, we still have no definitive answer on how the universe began, or how many galaxies in space hold life forms equal to or greater than ours, or whether baseball would be better if we shortened the game further.

Refreshing to admit right at the outset.

For some reason, humans have a very hard time admitting that there may not have all the knowledge in the world. It’s hardwired in our DNA to never admit we’re clueless or wrong.

Interesting name for a soda pop company.

And yet, the strength, the wisdom and the relief in saying “I don’t know” may be the smartest thing one can ever communicate — no matter what their age, sex, race, or position in society. Is it any surprise that our most effective leaders are those flexible enough to change their opinions based on the latest intelligence, rather than fearing the appearance of indecisiveness?)

Translation: “I don’t know” in Cantonese.

It takes a big person to say “I don’t know” (and different sized people to wear it on a t-shirt.) Self-awareness and confidence are required as well. But how refreshing it is to hear. And how exciting it is to live in the mystery rather than the answer.*

*As author and rabble-rouser Ken Kesey said, “Once you have the answer, you stop thinking.” And who wants to do that?

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How to become the next Charli D’Amelio!

What do you mean, you don’t know who Charli D’Amelio is? She’s only the most popular personality on TikTok, with 131 million followers and counting! (The number changes constantly, there’s a live feed of the count here.) So what does Charli do to earn these followers? Dispense sound financial advice? Speak out against racial injustice? No. She dances to pop music, mostly around her parents’ house in Norwalk, Connecticut.  And she’s damn good at it too. Why, she’s become so popular that she even has a line of official sportswear, in case you need a new hoodie:

Charli D'Amelio hoodie

You may not have 76 million viewers on TikTok, but you can wear her sweatshirt.

Now it’s easy to look at Charli dancing in her bedroom, decide that it would be great to become a big star by dancing in our bedroom, and make a few 6 second videos in a quick quest for fame and fortune.  The reality? Though it sounds like a fairy tale, 17-year-old Charli didn’t just switch on her iPhone camera and become an overnight sensation. She’s been a competitive dancer since she was 3, was raised by a fitness enthusiast mom and a businessman dad who sweated over her career, and spent years working on choreography and routines away from the limelight.  She’s also an optimist, gazing out at the world and not being intimidated by other dancers, celebrities, and cat video uploaders all jockeying for our somewhat divided attention.

So how can you follow in Charli’s dance shoes? There’s a common saying in many professions that you should “fake it until you make it.” This applies to jobs from fashion modeling to selling used cars to pursuing social media likes. When you are new in a job you don’t have the confidence and skills, but you can develop some aspects of competence by mimicking those who do.

This notion is popularized in treatises expounding laws-of-attraction thinking, like that of Rhonda Byrne in her book “The Secret” and its subsequent cottage industry of conferences, coffee mugs and a current spin-off movie on Netflix.

As Byrne preached to her acolytes: “How do you get yourself to a point of believing? Start make-believing. Be like a child, and make-believe. Act as if you have it already. As you make-believe, you will begin to believe you have received.” But this is nothing new, as Madame Blavatsky, Norman Vincent Peale and Zig Ziglar attested before her.

Today this idea is the go-to trope of countless parents, personal coaches, and positivity gurus. Unfortunately, “Fake it till you make it” also has a negative side — while the make-believe approach may enable .01% of the people to rise above, it can’t work for everyone. That’s why every handshake artist in a business suit doesn’t become a CEO, why 99.5% of writers never have a bestseller, and why every teenager dancing on TikTok won’t get their own reality tv series.

The essential problem that blocks “success through a positive attitude” is a little thing called reality. Yep, reality is a real cock-blocker of make-believe. It’s amusing that Americans, once among the most practical people in the world, have become “reality deniers.” Whether it’s living our lives through the lens of social media or questioning medical science during a pandemic, we think we are are able to bend reality like magicians or morph into an image of perfection for our “followers.”

As the current Covid count is proving, reality ultimately triumphs over delusion.* The SuperOptimist encourages you to embrace the truth about yourself, both the good points and the not-so-good. If you get comfortable with reality now, it will serve you well in the future. Once you have a firm grasp on the facts (“I’m lousy at math. I’m good at crosswords. I enjoy frozen desserts. I’m a developing a slight paunch due to frozen desserts.”) then you can face the world with the determination to overcome your weaknesses while playing to your strengths.

And if you do want to get famous on social media like Charli, then embrace what it takes to succeed: talent, luck, timing, and consistency.  Good luck!

*Only the President of the United States and his apologists are not convinced of this.

 

 

 

 

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SuperOptimist Celebrity of the Moment: Mickey Rourke.

There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned Hollywood mud-sling to get the juices flowing, as the latest Mickey Rourke-Robert De Niro dust-up proves.

Rourke demonstrates his SuperOptimist bonafides by

  1. thinking he’s in the same league as Bobby D. This type of blind self-belief that flies in the face of the facts continues to serve him well.
  2. calling De Niro out for an interview that may not have even taken place, and threatening him with grave embarrassment the next time he sees him. This display of power (albeit one of instagramming, rather than fists flying) was enough to spark a resurgence of interest in the actor, at least for 24 hours.
  3. attempting and succeeding in gaining attention on social media with a story that’s probably not true.
  4. continuing to be recognized by the world of show biz, despite changing his appearance with so much plastic surgery that he’s now basically unrecognizable.

We salute “the Mick” for wrestling another few column inches from the entertainment press, and wish him the best in his quest for respect from Sir Robert.

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Tolerance training in the age of zero tolerance.

A Muslim, a Catholic, an African American, a Jewish person, a Hispanic, a Wasp, a native American, a lesbian, an old woman, a gender-neutral person, a Chinese communist, a Russian oligarch, an Iranian mullah, a red state Republican and an Upper West Side Democrat walk into a bar…*

First of all, have you smiled? Or are you already getting your back up at the possibility that someone could be made fun of as this story unfolds? This is a litmus test to your future well-being. Can you survive in the cancel culture without cancelling yourself out?

Let’s start with the facts. Humans are the nuttiest creatures on the planet, and our ability to be “triggered” has become so sensitized that each of us now needs a personal injury lawyer just to leave our homes in the morning.  Our big brains and thin skins leave lots of time to parse language, self-select into special interest groups, and worry ourselves over slights both real and perceived. Each person would prefer it if other people agreed with their opinions. Naturally, each person would also like the freedom to render judgment on those who don’t.

Meanwhile, tribal hostility has been going on since homo sapiens first noticed differences in their appearance (“Hey, you’re not wearing the same bearskin as me. I’ll feel safer if I make fun of your outfit!”) and will no doubt continue despite corporate offices hanging up “Zero Tolerance” banners. Because humans love conflict, and deep down they love feeling superior to other humans, even when that superiority is based on how “caring” or “woke” they are!

If all the wars of history (current skirmishes included) were not proof enough of this idea, we salivate over professional sports, rooting for the home team to “kill” the opposition and raise the championship flag over our particular city of “winners.”

Meanwhile, the media and industry have been harnessing trigger words for years to gain audience share and exploit our interest in being wise vs. being gullible. We like being triggered when it’s “easy” or “secret” or “free.”  We go the other way when it’s “complicated” or “difficult” or “overpriced.”

SuperOptimists understand that people are different, and that these differences should be respected and celebrated. We also know that being overly sensitive is not an enjoyable way to go through life, as you become predictable and boring and whiny and nobody really wants to hang around you (except for other overly-sensitive people).

What’s the best solution? Pure, unadulterated laughter at the absurdity of it all, especially a good laugh at ourselves. We’re all fallible creatures, after all. Laughter is a tonic for all colors of skin, sexual preferences, religious convictions, or gender reclassifications. Laughter is one of the core emotional expressions of joy. Who has ever wanted to turn away more spiritual joy – besides ruthless dictators and antagonists in Charles Dickens’ novels, that is.

So if you think you’re special because you’re a “woke white,” go fuck yourself! And if you think you’re special because you’re multi-ethnic, or a member of a fringe group, or call yourself “they” instead of “he” or “she”,  go fuck yourself! As for us, writing this post with the superior attitude of know-it-alls, we’ll go fuck ourselves too!

See? Now we’ve all got something in common!

*As for the joke that started this column, the fact that there is no ending is what’s funny about it.  To us, anyway.

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Question authority. And everybody else too.

In the past six months, we’ve gone from world leaders saying there was no major threat from Wuhan to a rip-roaring pandemic. We’ve seen medical experts say that only the elderly and the immune-compromised were at risk, to learning of perfectly healthy people dying from the disease. We’ve been told that wearing a mask is unimportant, to wearing a mask is very, very, very important.

Now we’re seeing various governors arbitrarily decide to keep their states open in the face of increased outbreaks (but maybe they’ll close their states in a week or two, depending), while Wall Street shouts that the worst is over as 20 million people remain unemployed.

If ever there was a time to question authority, this is it.

Looking back, mass confusion is not a new phenomenon; it breeds a group of so-called “experts” who take to the airwaves to tell you what to do next.  From politicians to religious leaders, opinion columnists, business gurus, life coaches, self-help authors, movie critics: Here’s a set of professional guidance counselors that outwardly preach the ability to “live your best life” by following their expert tips.  Yet when in their homes with the shades drawn, they are just as confused, foul-mouthed, and imperfect as you are. 

Perhaps more so.  Scratching their backsides, yelling at their kids, sneaking glances at pornography, greedy for more wealth and power — just like everybody! Remember, despite their confident, toothy grins, these “experts” are not their book jacket photos.

So what is the “truth”?* Which facts do we embrace? Or is life just a lucky guess after all?

What they (and you) can learn from current events is to laugh at the human condition, chortle at our constant foibles, and re-think what makes you happy in the first place.

One way to start? Ignore everything an “expert” says on a cable news show. As Philip Stanhope, the 4th Earl of Chesterfield, put it: “Let it be your maxim through life, to know all you can know yourself, and never to trust implicitly the information of others.”

NOTE: The only advice you should follow is your own personal truth.  With just this secret alone, you are nine times more likely to find it! (Oh, and wear a mask. That should go without saying, but we’re saying it anyway.)

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Today’s your lucky day! (Tomorrow too.)

We could all use more luck in our lives, especially given the extreme events of the moment. So how do you persuade fortune to shine it’s toothy grin upon you going forward?

Richard Wiseman, a British psychology professor at the University of Hartfordshire, examined the difference between self-professed lucky and unlucky people. He found that lucky people those open to new experiences. They’re more willing to talk to new people and try new things.  Even should their life take a turn for the worse, they can still find the positive in the situation. (Yes, even in a pandemic.)

Of course, it never hurts to carry a special charm, or talisman, to improve your luck while you’re going about meeting new people and doing new things. This object may not actually hold any special powers or magical conductivity, but the important thing is that you believe it gives you an edge. With that belief comes better juju. You know, juju, like in “Silver Linings Playbook.”

While Eagles fans favor green sweaters, white jerseys, and Carson Wentz prayer candles, we’re partial to evil eye keychains, a counterintuitive way to keep luck on your side. The evil eye is a curse believed to be cast by a jealous glare or other negative energy, which is usually directed towards a person who is unaware. By carrying an evil eye keychain, you’ll be protected from evil spirits and bad luck. Add an owl to signify wisdom, and you’ll gain an edge there too!

It can’t hurt to keep some Chinese Emperor coins in your car, kitchen, backpack and valise. Round with a square-shaped hole in the center, they are said to be a representation of earth surrounded by heaven. A handful ought to do the trick.
Of course, you could always wear your luck on your sleeve. Or better yet, on you feet. A pair of blackjack cowboy boots lets everyone know that you’ve got prosperity on your side.

Now if all this isn’t enough for you, why not go full Wiccan and cast some good luck spells for prosperity, love, and health. Naturally, we advise reading up on this before you start your “abra cadabras.” *

And to augment the spells, don’t forget to sprinkle a little voodoo oil on yourself. Here’s a formula that bills itself as “a powerful blend that helps remove obstacles and clears a path for you to accomplish your goals.”

And with that, we wish you good luck, especially if your name is Shirley.

*Errant invocations can have unwanted side effects. You don’t want to turn anyone into a frog by mistake. Although if you do, please take it to a local nature preserve so it can live in peace.

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There is no “Plan B.”

Elvis in "No Plan B"

Frequently, you’ll hear someone say: “And if that doesn’t work — we’ll proceed to Plan B.”

But isn’t this simply preparing for failure? Fear that Plan A won’t work. Fear that something may go wrong.  

When other people sense that you doubt your course, they, too, become afraid. Imagine you’re a passenger in an airplane and the captain comes on the intercom and says:  “We’ll be landing soon at O’Hare International Airport — unless I can’t get the wheels down — and if that’s the case we’ll go to Plan B.”  Nobody really wants to hear someone say that. 

The SuperOptimist is of the mind that all energy down to our very last molecule should be focused on achieving the primary goal — and that any time spent planning for failure, setbacks, or humbling defeat only activates fear. Our conclusion: any Plan “A” is superior to every Plan “B.”

We feel so strongly about this maxim, we’ve created a t-shirt in its honor.

NOTE: If you don’t have a “Plan A,” go get a darn good one.  With a solid plan, karmic forces will line up behind you and see that you have good luck on your side. We’re with you.

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National Nurses Day extended for the rest of the year!

Nurses are there for you in times like these. They have big hearts, and don’t judge questionable behavior, but instead provide care and comfort, even if it’s the result of a mistake on your part.

It turns out that this celebration of caregivers begins each year on May 6th and ends on May 12th — Florence Nightingale’s birthday. That’s nice and all, but really, every day should be Nurses Day.

So we hereby extend National Nurses Day for the entire calendar year of 2020, and encourage you to recognize and appreciate the nurses in your life. Not just the hospital variety, who will be working overtime due to American distaste for following rules and guidelines, but the mother who fusses over every sniffle and scrape, the neighbor who rushes over with a bandage after you slip with the electric hedge trimmer, or the concerned friend who hasn’t heard from you in 24 hours and calls repeatedly to make sure you’re still ambulatory.

As for a gift? We recommend following the zen principle of doing absolutely nothing. Not getting in a skateboard mishap. Not overdoing it in your zoom yoga class. Not crowding into a barber shop and catching C19. What better way to say “thanks” than not showing up at the hospital?*

 *When the time is right, we also recommend getting a large tattoo of your favorite nurse on a forearm or neck to show your unwavering devotion. Remember: nurses work hard, and they have to stand all day in ugly shoes.  They deserve more than a day of thanks.  Let the year-long celebration begin!

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Wear-a-Mask Wednesday: It’s Sensory Deprivation Time!

Not long ago in human history, it was easy to find peace and quiet just by wandering outside in the middle of the night and gazing up at the stars.  It was quiet. It was peaceful. And because there was no such thing as light pollution, you could see them clearly.

Now, whether it’s mass media, social media, the hum of traffic, the illumination of a digital billboard, or a postcard from a realtor promising you riches if you list your home with her today, modern homo sapiens live in a constant state of sensory overload. You name it, and it probably has the ability to distract you from your true state of consciousness.

But most of us now live in urban areas, not in the Atacama Desert in Chile, where astronomers do their best work unencumbered by digital billboards, .  For us to experience what they do, we must seek alternative ways to power down from the constant stimulation engendered by the material world.

So how do we really unplug from the artificial? Why not try taking away one of your senses for a few hours, and see how the experience modifies your way of thinking.*

A blindfold is a good start. Without the use of your eyes, what do you conjure? Researchers from the University of Rochester have found that even in absolute darkness, we still think we see. The question is, what images are visible to you when you’re in the dark? What do you smell? Is your hearing more acute? How about your sense of touch? Pick something up from your desk and roll it around in your hand. Interesting the difference between a roll of scotch tape and a pair of scissors, no?

When it comes to choice of blindfold, a piece of fabric will do, although we prefer a comfortable sleep mask to really block out the light. This way, you can continue to benefit from its quality construction at bedtime, or on long flights (in the distant future).

If you wanted to try this experiment without a mask, there are still a few places on Earth that you can go.  Places like the Dark Sky Reserve on Ireland’s Iveragh Peninsula and the NamibRand IDSR in Africa are among the best locations. And if you want your community to go darker, why not join the International Dark Sky Association, which keeps track of light pollution and monitors how much darkness you really get in places across the globe.**

*Future related activity: Sensory Overload Day (coming soon).

**April 19-26 was International Dark Sky Week, in case you want to keep the celebration going.

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