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Compare yourself downward.

Did you know that Academy Award losers die 4 years earlier than Academy Award winners?*  That’s 1,460 days of life snuffed out due to a subjective judgment passed by others on a single performance.

The reason for this startling fact: The losers unconsciously spend the rest of their lives comparing upwards, instead of down. In the case of Oscar nominees who go home empty-handed, many of them harbor resentments against the winners until the day they (prematurely) die, along with hating the guts of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, their agents, their lawyers, the editors at Variety, and the entire Hollywood community. In their minds, they deserved that statue and now the odds are great that they may never get another shot at one as long as they live!

Sure, the losers may mouth the words “I’m just lucky to be here, in the company of these other fine actors,” but how many believe it, live it, and are truly happy for the winner? In fact, unless they know how to process this loss SuperOptimistically, they’re on the road to ill-health and bad fortune.

Instead of obsessing over another person’s success, look over your shoulder at a screw-up.  How about that old roommate who was always borrowing your favorite sweater when you were both in college?

You know — the one who developed the dependency on prescription drugs and is now living in the basement of his mother’s house?

And if you’re really in a fix, think about someone you knew who you didn’t like very much, and who is now dead and gone. Just a skull and bones, rotting away while you get to enjoy a cranberry scone with your piping hot coffee.  Feel better now?

Start any comparison with those less fortunate than yourself, rather than those who have more**, and you’ll be three steps closer to SuperOptimism.

*Redelmeier and Singh, Annals of Internal Medicine, May 2001

**“More” is a technical term used by the SuperOptimist to define the combined problems of money, power, fame, good looks, family status, height, skill, 4.0 GPA, influence, and premium real estate location. All of these are potential impediments to achieving SuperOptimism.

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Better than sex. Better than drugs. Better than long term care insurance.

If you can only muster one mind-body activity today, make it a genuine gut-busting, milk-out-the-nose-spraying, wake-up-the-neighbors braying spell of laughter. It’s not just a temporary reprieve from the madness that we call “reality.” A blasting, snorting, teeth-baring laugh has definitive health benefits.  Among them are the following:

Reduce anxiety. You don’t need a clinical psychologist to tell you that laughter instantly relieves your body’s stress response.  If you’re laughing, you relax. But it is funny that people have felt the need to research this point.

Sort of like a scientific study on the benefits of brushing your teeth. Guess what?  If you don’t brush them, you will get cavities, gingivitis, bacterial infections, and die! And speaking of dentists, here’s little joke:

A pregnant woman learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal. She says to the dentist, “darn … I’d just as soon give birth as have a root canal”. The dentist replies, “well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in”.

Burn calories —a study published in the Journal of Evidence-Based Complementary & Alternative Medicine, researchers found the physical act of intense laughing gives your body a mini-workout similar to aerobic exercise. This being America, some enterprising souls have combined the two.

Positive jolt to your immune system — According to a study published in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute, people who laugh increase the number of activated T cells and natural killer cells.

In the right hands, even hideous, ungodly trauma can be funny. (Or not. This all depends on how elastic your sense of humor is.) Take Robert Schimmel, a professional funnyman whose 11-year-old son died of leukemia. While he was devasted as a dad, as a comedian, his job was to find something to balance the gloom. This is what he came up with:

“My son’s last request when Make-A-Wish came was to see his father get oral sex from Dolly Parton. To this day, his wish remains unfulfilled.”*

So fight back against the complete and utter ridiculousness of our political system, our PC culture, our information-age antics, our attempts at garnering accolades for mindless jobs well done, and our grasping and clawing for more of whatever it is that we want more of.  The best way to react to the trauma, the indignities, and the current crop of presidential contenders is by laughing like a hyena with Pseudobulbar Effect.

*By the way, at the end of his career Bob Schimmel needed a liver transplant, was being sued for divorce from his much younger wife, and had moved back in with his parents when he got too sick to make a living — at which point he was killed in a car accident.  Schimmel mined each of these experiences to make people laugh. Except for the car accident, that is.

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Curry for breakfast? Why not!

In America, we’ve been socialized to believe that a “hearty breakfast” consists of eggs, flapjacks, cereal, juice, and the like.

Yet according to food historians, the concept of breakfast food didn’t exist in the U.S. until the mid-1800s. Before that, breakfast was a meal of leftovers, like cheese and bread. If you had a few bucks in the bank, you added meat and fish to your morning plate.

Then the families of Post and Kellogg toasted some grains, and later an egg lobbyist convinced Congress to put scrambled, fried and hard boiled at the top of their food pyramid. You could keep this American breakfast routine going. But why be trapped in the usual food patterns? Could there be a more exciting way to “break fast” that’s just even better than what’s on the menu at your local coffee shop?

One suggestion is adding some inner heat to your morning meal. It’s a sure-fire way to wake up, since hot spices release endorphins in your system, similar to a runner’s high.

While we’re deviating from local custom, why not tour more of the world when it comes to your a.m. cuisine?

In Pakistan, it’s Siri Paya in the a.m., a soup made from slowly cooking the head and feet of a cow, a lamb, or a goat, then adding tomatoes, onions, and spices.

Mexicans like huitlacoche with their eggs. Technically speaking, this is diseased corn, sporting a fungus that’s considered a delicacy in Mexico. The spores that infect the corn turn it black and give it a mushroom-like flavor.

And in Pennsylvania Dutch country (near where the first SuperOptimists were born), scrapple (leftover scraps from the pig, like the eyeballs, tail and snout) are ground into a patty and fried, much to the horror of those thinking sausage is the worst thing that can be done with a sow’s innards.

Hopefully these suggestions have whetted your appetite to try something new. But even if you decide to stick with a bowl of Cheerios, whatever you do, don’t skip breakfast. Harvard School of Public Health researchers found that men who did had a 27% higher risk of heart attack or death from heart disease.*

So here’s to having your cake and eating it for breakfast too, if you so choose.

*The researchers think that the no-breakfast brigade makes up for skipping the morning meal by stuffing themselves at night. This is neither good for their slumber, nor their metabolic rate.

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Tough day? Consider the seahorse.

Whatever kind of day you’re having, here’s a reason to feel fortunate: At least you’re not a Hippocampus borboniensis.

Despite living in salt water, far from the stresses of human existence, only five in a thousand seahorses survive to adulthood.  While there are many reasons for their short life span,  if you had to spend your days swimming upright using only a dorsal fin, you might expire early too.

Because their shape and body type make them one of the slowest-moving fish in the world, they’re easy prey for Asian fishermen who capture them for consumption in Chinese medicine. They’re prescribed for impotence, wheezing, nocturnal enuresis, and pain (though no clinical studies have been performed to validate these cures.)

On the plus side, their eyes can move independently of each other, which can be a great trick at parties.  But all things considered, if you’re 18 or older, consider yourself lucky you’re not checking your Apple Watch every five seconds like the seahorse to see if your time’s up.

Still feeling blue? The seahorse could use a friend. So why not save one? Helping others is a surefire cure for the mopeys, and they can make good pets for your saltwater aquarium.

Seahorses can set you back about $100.00 for 10 dwarfs. Just like picking stocks, do your research before diving in. We recommend buying seahorses that have been raised in captivity. These are healthier and will be easier to care for.

One thing to note: seahorses also require a lot of care. So if you’re not home much, maybe you should settle for this nice seahorse pillow instead.

 

 

 

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Four simple words that will change your life for the better.

One SuperOptimist practice we never get tired of? Adding the phrase “And isn’t that great!” to any thoughts we may be having.  A recent example can be illustrated by the following:

“Goddamn, I’ve just broken a tooth on a macadamia nut. Now I’ll have to see a dentist.”

Simply add our four magic words, and you can turn this bummer into a blessing: “Goddamn, I’ve just broken a molar on a macadamia nut. Now I’ll have to see a dentist. And isn’t that great!”

Here you’ve taken a rather pedestrian situation in which pain, expense, and inconvenience are the assumed outcomes, and reframed it into something that may have positive consequences.  After all, with the proper attitude, who knows what might happen at the dentist? You could meet a new lover in the waiting room! Your dentist might be experimenting with laughing gas and offer you some! You could decide to spring for an additional ultra-whitening session and walk out of there looking like Hollywood royalty!  Your dentist might accidentally find you have a serious lesion in your mouth that was going to kill you if you hadn’t seen him in time!

Here’s another one:

“Christ, where did summer go? It’s back to cold again.”

Again, add the phrase that pays.

“Christ, where did summer go? It’s back to cold again. And isn’t that great!”

Why is it great? It’s great because the cold helps you burn body fat, leading to a slimmer figure. It’s great because the cold keeps away invasive insects, like the Asian Tiger Mosquito. Most of all, you can take comfort in the fact that you’re not stuck in these temperatures for long, and there’s a cup of hot cocoa waiting for you at the end of your journey.

Here’s another: “Donald Trump is still president. And isn’t that great!”

On the surface, this seems like a nonstarter if you’re not a MAGA-hat wearing racist. But give it a moment to sink in. Instead of wanting to hide under the covers at the thought, you can feel good that nuclear missiles remain in their silos and Ivanka hasn’t been named Secretary of Defense. (Not yet, anyway.)

And one more: “With my mediocre attempts at art, I’m never going to be the next Van Gogh. And isn’t that great!”

So your work isn’t on display in MOMA’s permanent collection.  Instead, you’re making a living selling commercial real estate, or working as an attorney, or driving an Uber. Why is that great? The pressure on you to be the next artistic success has been lifted, freeing you up to do more experimental work that may one day be celebrated after your death.*

*Also, your day job affords you a few niceties, like food and shelter, so you don’t have to ask a family member to support you like Vincent did. And while we can’t be sure, your psychotic episodes probably won’t lead you to sever your own appendage, unlike the struggling post-impressionist.

 

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Carry one of these at all times.

Lemons have suffered from an image problem since they first came to fruition. Perhaps this is due to their stinging acidity and tough skins (although both are considered positive traits in news columnists and football coaches). Not only does a “lemon” refer to a substandard product — most typically a used car — but it’s also used to mean “disappointing result” or “something unwanted.”

But as any SuperOptimist can tell you, it pays to step beyond conventional thinking and seek the truth for yourself.  Lemons are healthy fruits, rich in vitamin C and other nutrients, used in a myriad of wonderful products, from lemonade and lemon meringue pie.

Even better, lemons are a natural way to gain control over spiritual forces in the universe. They’ve been used for years by Feng Shui practitioners and Buddhist monks to keep negative energies at bay and enhance both health and mood. By placing a lemon in your pocket and taking it with you as you travel, you can protect yourself from the bad juju you may encounter while you are on the go.* Even easier, you can sport the positive lemon on clothing and save yourself any lemon-juice clean-up.

On the home front, you can halt negative vibes from entering and spreading through your domicile by cutting a lemon into four and spreading salt on each slice. Then place the slices at the entrance to your house and the lemon will absorb the creepiness from anyone who comes to your door.

What’s more, sleeping next to a cut-up lemon on your nightstand will add to your positive energy, as lemons have been used as a powerful aromatherapy oil for ages. Increased concentration, decreased stress levels, and smoother respiratory activity are just some of the benefits the night-time lemon will have on your health.  And as an added benefit, lemons also act as natural air fresheners and deodorizers. So why not put the power of the sour to work for you.

Wear this lemon t-shirt for good luck.

You are perfection when you wear the lemon.

*Note: If you choose to carry a lemon, it may dry up rapidly depending on how much negative energy you encounter. So make sure you replace your lemon with a fresh one, especially if you visit Washington, DC or any of these places:

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Take yourself on a spacewalk.

Landing on the moon was the height of accomplishment for Apollo 11 astros Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins, and we continue to celebrate their feat to this day. But government-sanctioned space pilots are not the only ones with the ability to launch themselves into orbit. With a bit of concentration, you can too!*

All you need do is develop your SuperOptimist Antigravity Practice (S.O.A.P.®). Simply stated, S.O.A.P is the ability to picture the world from above. It can be as simple as gazing down from the ceiling at an event transpiring in the room in which you’re sitting. Or as far-flung as having your gaze come from another galaxy entirely, to render the world as a mere blip in the cosmos.

By looking at existence as if standing on your own private observation deck – one that you can shift to any elevation – you gain an outlook on life that renders any situation manageable. Suddenly, the traffic jam you’re in becomes a curious abstraction, the endless meeting at the office a gathering of tiny heads all nodding in sequence, the blank piece of paper a simple square of white without the power to paralyze.

Consider the photos taken by NASA explorers. From their position high above our planet, it looks as if they’re peering into a microscope that can shrink an entire galaxy to the size of a postcard. This point of view has such a powerful impact on their consciousness that they speak of it expanding their understanding of existence.

But it’s not just astronauts who can develop this ability. Researchers operating in the social sciences term it “self-distancing,” and recommend it as a way to decrease stress and make difficult tasks easier. Just by leaning back in your chair when you’re working on something difficult, you can ease the burden and give yourself more perspective on the situation. Fully activate an abstract view of the problem at hand and your ability to solve it multiplies exponentially.

Now try this practice by imagining yourself far in the distant future, or hovering near the ceiling watching the proceedings below in a detached way, or even entering the body of a different person in your general vicinity. How would you describe this experience?

When stuck in a cubicle, or an airport, or an endless holiday gathering, it’s quite useful to teleport upward and gaze at the situation with aloofness. You can feel the tension disappear, your humor return, and an empathy arise for the people around you who are suffering through another exceedingly dull patch without the benefit of your gravity-defying abilities. Your SuperOptimist Antigravity Practice is an invisible spyglass that offers you perception beyond normal sight.Turn to it often, and enjoy a way of seeing that puts everything – yes, everything – into perspective.

*For complete instructions on venturing into space, we recommend “A Wise Man Taught Me How to Defy Gravity and Now I’ll Teach You.”

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Praise the people who ignore your instructions.

O glorious day! For July 3rd is the anniversary of Franz Kafka’s birth.

And yet, we prefer to roll out the sheet cake for his friend Max Brod.  If not for dear Max, we’d have no idea who Franz Kafka even was.

As it turns out, Mr. Brod was the reticent author’s lifelong pal and literary executor. In failing health, and having received little acknowledgement for his storytelling efforts, Kafka entrusted Max to destroy all his unpublished work upon his death. But when Franz finally met his maker,  Brod ignored his deceased friend’s wishes. Instead of torching Kafka’s manuscripts, he had them published instead.

Without Brod making that fateful decision, Kafka would have remained an anonymous insurance man who wrote fiction on the side. And we would not have  “The Trial,”  “The Castle” or “Amerika” to read, ponder and cherish.  So on this blessed July 3rd, we give thanks for Max Brod — and the reminder that it’s occasionally beneficial to listen to voices other than our own.

 

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On adding amazement to your day.

Another day, another set of absolute miracles taking place. And in every direction!

Wait, you didn’t see them?

Perhaps you have become inured to such marvels. You are not alone. Since humanity started about 6 million years ago with primates known as the Ardipithecus, miracles have become so plentiful in life, we take them for granted.

Yet all it takes to reignite the senses to the incredible phenomena that surround us is to pause and consider that it wasn’t very long ago that humans walked on all fours and had body hair they could neither groom nor shampoo. And today? In haircare alone, you have your choice of hundreds of fabulous shampoo brands! (Here are the statistics on the favorites from 2018.)

See how everyday occurrences we take for granted can become jaw-dropping revelations, just by reframing your perspective? Here are a few more examples that we’ve recently found deserving of deeper appreciation.

DAILY COMMUTE: We take a “train” pulled by a “diesel engine” that runs on “steel tracks” from one “state” to another. That’s amazing!

PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT: We work in a “building” that’s 52 stories tall, has 21 “elevators” and 189 “water fountains”. That’s amazing!

LUNCHTIME IN THE CITY: We eat a “pulled pork sandwich” from a “food truck” one block away, and they give us an “extra side of coleslaw” because it’s almost closing time. That’s amazing!

CHANCE AT GREAT FORTUNE: Twice a week we buy a “ticket” that qualifies us to win hundreds of millions of “dollars” if our numbers are chosen. That’s amazing!

MOBILE PHONE: We all stare at a “computer” the size of a human hand that offers endless news, games, televisions shows, weather, and “shopping opportunities”. That’s amazing!

STREET BUSKER: Every morning there’s a man near the 42nd St. “shuttle” who wears a “paper crown” on his head and plays “House of the Rising Sun” on a red Telecaster “guitar”. That’s amazing!

We could keep going like this all day. And you can too!  Any time you feel the heavy burden of routine starting to drag you into the darkness, close your eyes, click your heels, and remember that you have eyes and heels to close and click.  Then open your eyes, point at the nearest object, and marvel at it out loud.

“Wow, that’s a ‘metal file cabinet’ that contains sheets of ‘paper’ with words and pictures on it.  That’s amazing!”*

*Note: You may need to explain to onlookers why you are behaving like this, as they probably aren’t as attuned to the miracles of everyday existence as you are.

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The only competition worth winning.

It’s clear that humans like creating contests — and picking winners. There’s a huge number of competitions ranging from small local prizes to large international Grands Prix, judging what makes for success and failure, good and bad, winners and also rans. A lot of comparing goes on to decide who is “better” and who is “worse.”

People can go batshit crazy comparing themselves to other people. Is the winner really better than you? Do they have superior bloodlines? Did they go to an Ivy League college? Do they have deep skills you don’t? Why do people like hanging around them more than you? Is it their shoes? Do they have rich and powerful friends? Do they go skiing with famous people? Pure insanity!

The only competition you should care about is the internal competition with yourself.  Look at what you were doing five years ago and see if you’ve made any progress. If you do an honest analysis and have made no progress towards better work in the last five years – great! This realization means your progress can start today.

Take it from some accomplished artists: you never know what might set you on a new course.  Artists from Picasso to Gerhard Richter have radically changed their styles seeking a better way to express themselves. This kind of evolution is also available to you right now — free of charge — if you only give yourself permission to change what you’re doing and go “off recipe.”

Experimenting with a new style or process means going off the map into the unknown, and possibly taking a turn down a mysterious dark highway and ending up with one last $10 chip in a Northern California casino. But most people (reliable airline pilots excluded) are supposed to crash occasionally.

Here’s how Mr. David Bowie (the musician, not the spider), framed it:

“…if you feel safe in the area you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth, and when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.”

Are your feet touching the bottom? Wade out farther. Now isn’t that better?

Note: if you’d like more recognition for your efforts, we recommend purchasing a trophy for yourself.  The bigger, the better. When anyone asks how you got it, you can tell them “I’m a winner at life.” Who can argue with that?

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