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Returning to square one? How fortunate!

Whether it’s a stalled career, the end of a relationship, or recurring doubt raised in one’s spiritual practice, people consider having to start over to be a truly crummy experience.  Going back to the beginning is considered the mark of failure in a world that celebrates winning, victory, and happy endings.

But we’re here to tell you that square one is a super place to be!   For that square is your square. And your square, by definition, is perfect, with each side equal to the other 3 sides.

Some of the most noble professionals in their fields are constantly scrapping their work in order to begin anew. Scientists are always having to confront their failure to prove a theory and start afresh. Buddhist masters talk about starting over with every breath, to be in the moment with each exhalation and inhalation. For them, square one is actually the enlightened place to be. And let’s not forget all the wonderful artists who have spent a career working with, around, and into squares. Mr. Albers among them.

Besides, if being at square one was so bad, why would Square One Parachutes use the name for their business? If ever there was a pursuit you want to feel positive about, it’s leaping out of plane at 12,000 feet.  If this skydiving accessories manufacturer can proudly announce their comfort with being at square one, surely you can!

So the next time you curse the gods for hitting a dead end, frustrated at having to reinvent the wheel yet again, remember that starting from scratch is something to embrace and celebrate. Congratulations and welcome back to square one!

back to square one t-shirt

*The origin of the phrase “square one” originates from radio broadcasts of European football games. To help the listener visualize the action, the field was divided up into a grid of imaginary squares, with square one centering on the goalmouth. Interesting that square one is actually closest to the goal.

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Thus spaketh King Larry.

We’ve never looked at television host Larry King as an oracle, at least not until his death at the age of 87. Only then were we made aware of a quote attributed to him that could be the simplest explanation of how to navigate the vicissitudes of life.

“If you have passion, a chip on the shoulder, a sense of humor, and you can explain what you do very well, it doesn’t matter if you’re a plumber or a singer or a politician. If you have those four things, you are interesting.”

Perhaps Larry was only referring to whether you’d be a decent subject for one of his interview programs. But in this salient nugget of wisdom, he could well be stating what all the monks, priests, scholars and philosophers have spent centuries and volumes trying to define as a “life worth living.”  Let’s break it down to it essentials, shall we?

  1. Like Ishmael, what is your great white whale? Do you have a strong and barely controllable emotion about something in your life? Whether it be the arts or fiduciary accounting, pursue it until your EKG reads “zero.”* Even if there is little chance of success that your single apple seed turns into a full-blown orchard, the Sisyphean climb up your mountain will produce plenty of strong memories and interesting fodder for psychiatrists, sociologists and yes, talk show hosts to study.
  2. Believe in yourself. No matter how uncertain, insolvent, or unbalanced you are, put that chip on your shoulder and don’t let anyone knock it off. Who are they to question your love of ice baths? Like Larry quoting Lenny Bruce, tell them to go unfuck themselves.
  3. Laugh long and hard, and at your own screwups most of all. For those who can chortle at the absurdity of the world tend to live until at least 87 years of age.*
  4. Get a story and stick with it. Even if you have many interests, many side hustles, and many dreams, formulate a simple narrative about yourself and repeat as often as necessary. In Larry’s case, that started with his name.

*Despite many people thinking Larry had died ages ago, he actually just kicked the bucket on Saturday. Utilizing his own four point system detailed above, he managed to beat the actuarial table by a good 8 years.

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The answer to America’s problems? Isn’t it obvious?

The following is a special wild-card weekend editorial.

Ask any citizen of the United States and their answer will be the same: our country is in big trouble. Whether it’s white nationalists raising holy hell based on their latest conspiracy theories, billionaire technocrats deciding where to draw the line on free speech, or the gaping inequality between rich and poor growing more grotesque by the paycheck, our current situation looks grim indeed.

Nowhere is this disintegration of humanity more in evidence than in our nation’s capitol, stoked by a professional class of elected leaders too fearful of losing office to protect our democracy (recent post-riot speeches excepted). Given the lack of willingness to compromise displayed by party leaders and the ideological rift between the two dominant parties, some experts say America is heading towards a second civil war — quite possibly before the next presidential election.

So is there a more positive way for Washington to govern, for red and blue states to agree on the fundamentals, and for the populace to rally around their leaders for the good of all?  We say yes! And it involves the most American of objects, an oblong leather-bound ball with laces that unites the nation every Sunday (and in the case of wild card playoffs, Saturday as well).

Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green… whatever their party affiliation, Americans can’t get enough of football. We sacrifice things like better schools and public libraries to build massive stadiums to honor our local teams, and the high price of NFL game attendance — tickets average around $150 — doesn’t stop all classes of people from rubbing shoulders as they fill these fishbowls to near capacity each Sunday (not counting Covid season).

So how can we marry the much-adored game of football with the unwieldy, uncooperative workings of Washington? Simple. Form teams from the three branches of government along party lines. The winner of a game of football between D.C. Democrats and Republicans could decide if a bill winds up in the trash can or enshrined as a law. It could determine if the Supreme Court hears an argument against Arctic Drilling, or leaves it in the lower courts.  Even allowing for a few hours for the losing side to complain about the refereeing, the fate of any important issue could be decided in just a day or two!  

If laws were decided through football, the American people would be more engaged in civic processes than ever. For one thing, it would make the process of governing fun to follow. As much as we talk, text and tweet our opinions about politics, the day-to-day activities of each branch are extremely boring and nearly unwatchable. It feels like divine intervention when CSPAN leaves a poorly-attended House debate to cover a Presidential motorcade, but that’s not saying much. Now consider the audience for a show that combines sports talk with political commentary. Through the roof!

Right now, fans act like game day is a matter of life or death when all that’s at stake is their parlay bet on DraftKings. Think of how much they’ll care when their actual lives are on the line. “TOUCHDOWN! THAT MEANS MORE IMMIGRANTS, BABY! TAKE THAT, REPUBLICANS!”  They’ll be cheering for teams representing their city or state with an even greater passion, and with football as the focus, the American people would write and call their representatives more readily with complaints about their play-calling and performance, and show up en masse on election days to ensure their team has the best possible players. 

Football would also be a healthier outlet for our heightened aggression, the gridiron providing the perfect location to settle simmering feuds among our elected officials. Imagine Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in the trenches against Ted Yoho, the Republican who called her a “f***ing bitch,” ready to unleash a pancake block when the ball is snapped. Or “Mean Mitch” McConnell responding to Biden campaign manager Jen O’Malley Dillon’s smear of the right with an open-field tackle to prevent a certain score. Just because the play has been whistled dead doesn’t mean the vendetta is settled. Who could resist watching Rashida Tlaib lay a late, cheap hit on Texas Republican Bill Flores, incurring a penalty of lower taxes and increased defense spending in the process? 

As more and more Congressional leaders age into dementia while holding on to their seats, football would also nudge the country to send younger, fresher talent to D.C. While the jobs of any of the three branches of government are demanding, they tend to exercise the brain a lot more than the body. With legislative business determined by playing smashmouth football, there would be need for field generals to exhibit strength in their quads and hamstrings, not just their ability to raise piles of PAC cash. So if players from the greatest generation can’t shape up, they’d quickly lose re-election to new blood that could ram their party’s legislative agenda into the end zone.  Meanwhile, the power players throwing, catching and running the ball would be freshmen representatives or baby-faced SCOTUS clerks. 

Given America’s insatiable appetite for the sport, football can bring the country together at a crucial time, fusing our love of scrambling quarterbacks and defensive schemes with the process of governing that will be embraced by conservatives and liberals alike. And then? We export our pigskin politics to the rest of the world — so our conflicts in the Middle East and our stalemates with Russia and China can all be solved peacefully on the gridiron, rather than the battlefield. 

Governance through football: May it lead us forward as one nation, indivisible, with liberty and slant patterns for all!

Special thanks to University of Michigan sports writer Jack Whitten for co-authoring this editorial.

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A surefire cure for the blues? Let’s dance!

Brand new year, same old pandemic. With no end in sight for social distancing, lockdowns and work/eat/study/everything-from-home, how can you survive countless more months before your vaccine is ready with your sense of wellbeing — and humor — in tact?

Our suggestion? While continuing to isolate in your apartment, cabin or RV, why not try the “Holy Moly Doughnut Shop.” Or the “Spooky Scary Skeletons.” Or “The Smeeze.”

We’re speaking, of course, about getting your groove on. Sure, dancing might not be the first thing that comes to mind when pulling off the covers and facing another Blursday, especially if you’re not 16 years old and monitoring TikTok 23 hours a day. But just because you’re a decade (or more) out of high school doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dust off your best moves and take every opportunity to go full out to the music.

To start, think of the positive effects on your body. According to Dr. Nick Smeeton from the University of Brighton, when you’re doing The Whoa, The Swagg Bouncee or The Cosby Walk, you expend more than 300 calories every half-hour, equal to a run or swim. All of that starting, stopping and changing directions burns a ton of fuel even though you’re not covering a lot of ground. The up-and-down and side-to-side movements of dance may likewise activate and train many of your body’s little support muscles and tendons.

The psychological benefits are also impressive. Research dating back to the 1980s supports the idea that dancing can curb anxiety. Some shrinks have prescribed dancing as an effective therapy for those who suffer from social anxiety or fear of public speaking.

The idea: if you can loosen up enough to do The Renegade in front of strangers, you’re a lot less likely to feel self-conscious when hanging out or speaking in front of an audience. Posting a video of yourself attempting to follow Charli D’Amelio’s moves is a good way to ease into the practice.

It doesn’t matter what you dance to — the latest Dua Lipa song, or something a little more retro. Get those helicopter hands working, and we’ll see you…hopefully sooner than later.

NOTE: In truth, any music that makes you tingle in a good way contributes to SuperOptimism.  Except for ballet. It’s hard to be SuperOptimistic in overly tight shoes.

 

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7 last second gift ideas for the restless and quarantined in your life.

Its been 283 days, give or take, since our lives went into pandemic mode. At this point, you can’t blame family or friends for getting antsy, anxious, or even going batshit* crazy over never-ending social distancing. So what can you do to help their situation? Aside from radical acceptance and understanding, here are some gift ideas designed to lift their spirits and/or shake them out of their Covid disgruntlement.

1. Think a member of your household is slowly going mad from isolation? Why not get them the gift that helps probe their unconscious and get at their deep-seated feelings? You never know what might emerge from this couch time.

2.  Looking back, it sure would have been good to know what was coming in 2020. Why leave next year to chance? Turning to a trusty Ouija board to communicate with the spirit channel may help uncover what new challenges — and opportunities — await.

3.  As Todd Rundgren surmised, it’s hard to be anxious and depressed when playing the drums. No room in the studio apartment for a 16-piece kit?  Bongos are just the thing.  Need an instructor? How about world-class percussionist Sheila E. According to “E,” she’ll have a student grooving so fast, a job as a touring musician may be on the horizon once the pandemic’s over.


4. Nothing sends out good vibes like an authentic SuperOptimist t-shirt. Here’s one that offers a positive greeting to all those fortunate enough to come into contact with the wearer, even if it’s just family, zoom meeting colleagues, or pet iguana. Plus it’s accented with a pineapple, the most historically valid symbol of hospitality of any fruit or vegetable.

5. If the receiver of your gift has had it with the digital domain, what about a good book to while away their hours? “Sironia Texas” by Madison Cooper is one of the longest novels ever written at 1,731 pages. For a slow reader, this two-volume set about a small town during the early 1900s should provide enough distraction to make it clear through April.

6. And don’t forget yourself, as you settle in for another evening of Netflix, Prime, Hulu, Peacock, Youtube, Disney+, HBO Max, Sling, Twitch, Crackle, and Crunchyroll. A Danny DeVito pillow to hug to your chest when you realize it might be another 40 weeks until it’s your turn for the vaccine is just what you need to meet the moment.

Until next time, we wish you and yours glad tidings of great joy, no matter what the circumstance!

*BONUS SELFLESS GIFT: Bats have had a tough 2020, taking some of the heat for the virus that’s caused a world of hurt. But it’s not their fault that the Chinese handle them with such disdain. The fact is, it’s human interference with these helpful creatures that’s at the root of the problem. Hundreds of plant species rely on bats for pollination and insect-eating bats save farmers billions each year by reducing crop damage. Show these creatures vital to our ecosystem that there’s no hard feelings by giving a donation to batcon.org in your loved one’s name.

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It’s never too late to rebrand yourself.

Did you know that the Nobel Peace Prize was born from a desperate attempt by Alfred Nobel to reframe his story as something other than the inventor of dynamite?

Or at one time, the #1 ranked university in the United States was known as the “College of New Jersey?” That certainly doesn’t sound as impressive as their moniker today.

And while we’re at it, did you know that Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, suds for boozers on a budget, has convinced the Chinese to pony up $44 a can for it’s “Blue Ribbon 1844” version? Granted it’s a “special brew” with a fancy package, but still…

The point is, there’s nothing the world likes better than a good story, and you have a good one to tell. If it’s a bit exaggerated? All the better! That just proves you have a healthy imagination and a disregard for the rules — those pesky details imposed by people to keep the majority of us “in line.”

So think of where you want to go, decide what story it will take to get there, and then rebrand yourself to fit your goal! If it takes coming up with a snazzy new name, remember you’re in good company. Right, Amelia Kelly?*

One final note: Make sure to memorize your new story from top to bottom, as it can be embarrassing to not recognize your name or details of your life when out in public.

*Today known as “Iggy Azalea.” 

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The beauty of going backward.

Humans have long taken pride in their ability to “push forward” and “tackle the challenge ahead.”  Yet even if you’re dead-set on getting somewhere in life, there’s much to be gained from spending part of your day moving in the opposite direction. Here are some simple activities that underscore the benefits of going in reverse, both mentally and physically.

Walk backward: Native American folklore suggests that 100 steps backward are as good as 1,000 steps forward. According to present-day health experts, that’s not just a spiritual maxim. Incorporating 10 minutes of backward walking or jogging a few times a week provides you with increased body coordination, improved sleep cycles, increased strength in leg muscles, sharpened thinking skills, and improved balance. Who couldn’t use more of those?

A Texas man tried to make it around the world this way.

Heal backward: Modern medicine continues to turn back the clock in favor of treating the whole person and not just the outward symptoms of disease.  Even general practitioners have begun prescribing the same tinctures and plants the Chinese were using 2,000 years ago. Acupuncture, fasting, reiki… and NYU School of Medicine is researching the benefits of microdosing psychedelics on PTSD, anxiety and depression. The hippies were ahead of their time.

It’s best to nourish Yin in the fall and winter, Yang in the spring and summer.

Record backward: Backmasking is a recording technique in which a sound or message is recorded backward onto a track that is meant to be played forward. Backmasking was popularised by the Beatles, who used backward instrumentation on their 1966 album Revolver, particularly the guitar solo on “Tomorrow Never Knows.” (Note: the later chant of “Paul is dead” when playing “Revolution Number 9” backwards was a concoction of an overzealous fan in Michigan and not an example of backmasking.)

It was 54 years ago today, give or take a few months.

Think backward:  Da Vinci often wrote backwards, his notes only decipherable when held up to a mirror. Ginger Rogers is praised for having done everything Fred Astaire did—but backwards. Philip K. Dick wrote an interesting novel about people experiencing life in reverse, starting with death.

“Your appointment will be yesterday.”

Work backward:  Rather than starting with an idea and trying to persuade customers to embrace it, here one starts with the customer and works backward to figure out what they want. At Amazon, the process begins with a manager writing an internal press release announcing the debut of a new product, with information about how current solutions are failing and why the new product will solve this problem. Only then is a decision is made whether to actually develop it.

Echo frames let you talk to Alexa and make phones calls…no, really.

Age backward: Is this really possible?  Well, it can’t hurt to try.

It’s basically about stretching and moving instead of sitting on your keister all day.

Keep going backward: Obviously, this backward business is also invaluable when considering our individual response to climate change, turning back clocks for daylight savings time, and watching movies shot before you were born.

It’s never too early for this one.

A reminder that January 31st is “National Backward Day”. Start now and by the time the day rolls around, you’ll be an expert at reverse logic.

*It’s interesting to note that the ability to recite the alphabet backwards is used both as an indicator of giftedness in children, and as a measure of sobriety in adults.

 

 

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Mercury Retrograde: what to do when the you-know-what starts flying.

We don’t know about you, but here at SuperOptimist headquarters, the past couple of weeks have been filled with more than our share of unfortunate events: a car battery dying at an inopportune time, a dog spraining his right front paw, chaotic deadlines at the office, a pulled muscle in the lower back, and an errant glass of water spilling on a laptop to the tune of a $1500 replacement.

So when we discovered that the planet Mercury had gone into retrograde on October 13th, and will continue that way for a few more days, we weren’t in the least surprised. After all, the hallmarks of Mercury Retrograde are often negative and doom-laden. Disruptions, miscommunication, and worrying more than usual are but some of the troubles one can expect.  And all this comes in the midst of voting for the U.S. president, as friends, neighbors and the country-at-large are made frantic by the possibility that we’re in for another contested election.  (Guess when the last presidential face-off to happen during Mercury Retrograde was? That’s right. Yikes.)

So whether you’re a believer in astrology or you think it’s all hocum and nonsense, this latest cycle is due to end at 12:50 pm on November 3rd. Whether this is good news or not, will depend on how you play it.

SuperOptimists, believing that every negative is a positive in disguise, do not run from the trials of Mercury Retrograde. In fact, we welcome them!  Consider that these are not negative events, but moments designed to wake us out of the semi-conscious state in which we often pass our time.

In our case, the unwelcome expenditure on a laptop reminds us that hey, it’s only money and now we’ll have a faster hard drive and more memory; our dog’s sore paw helps us honor the animal kingdom by loving her even more and give her an extra treat,  the bad back an opportunity to slow down, take stock, and correct mistakes we made trying a power yoga move when we should start with mild stretching.

Just as spiritual practitioners welcome pain as a teaching tool, our Mercury Retrograde exposure helps us foster patience and focus the mind. As we rise above present discomforts, we’ll be better prepared for whatever comes next. (Including 6 more months of social isolation, our candidate not winning the election, and the cancellation of our favorite program on netflix.)

Best of all, without Mercury Retrograde, we wouldn’t know how good we have it when it’s not Mercury Retrograde. And for that, we’re eternally grateful.

*Mercury Retrograde doesn’t mean the planet has suddenly changed direction, but that from the perspective of the Earth, it appears to be moving backwards against the constellations of stars that form the zodiac.  So it’s an illusion…but then again, isn’t everything?

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Halloween without horrors: Here’s your fear removal kit.

Unless you are an anthropoid or alien, sometime in the last 24 hours you had a moment of doubt, worry or alarm.

It might have been fear of losing your job. Or possibly you distrusted a friend or partner’s feelings for you. Maybe you worried that fire or storms would destroy your home. Or had a nagging feeling that getting older might actually kill you. Why, with Halloween almost upon us, you might even have a fear of All Hallow’s Eve itself. (This is termed Samhainophobia, and originates from the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to usher in the darker time of year — and ward off ghosts.)

Whatever your trepidation, how do you get rid of gnawing anxiety, creepy shivers, or full blown panic?

Start by thinking of one scary thing that’s on your mind right now. Something you tend to avoid, but that sparks fear in you.  Whatever your boogeyman is, say the word out loud. Be it “sharks” or “elevators” or “corporate administrators” or “trapped on a Boeing 737 Max.” Giving voice to your fear can make you realize that what spooks you is mostly living in a dark corner of your mind, and is not an imminent threat. If sharks scare you and you live in Kansas, the worry is not a real threat. If you work on Wall Street and have a fear of farm threshers, you’re good for now. 

Now take it a step further: Think about the worst thing that could happen if your fear actually materialized. What if that shark found its way to Kansas and bit your leg clean off?  It’s true your professional tap-dancing career could be over, but you might still go on to win a gold medal in the Paralympics. If you lost your business, lost your faithful dog, lost your spouse or lost your mind, it can be the start of a bold new chapter in your life adventure.

The point is, when your worst fears happen, it is never game over. You will always have the power to change your attitude, even in the worst of situations.  What about death, you ask? On the plus side, you finally get a good night’s sleep!

But this doesn’t mean you should walk around completely unprepared for the worst.  Excrement does hit the fan, so what is the simplest solution to overcoming the fear you may be avoiding? After all, the only thing worse than our fear becoming manifest is being caught with our pants down, when we always knew better.

While we can’t list them all, here are a few suggestions to place in your fear-dispelling toolkit. Good luck, and may you vanquish your fear once and for all!

 

Tactical pro flashlight to shine a light on burglars, predators and small rodents.

Roadside assistance kit when there’s no cell service to call Triple A.

 

Bear attack deterrent, for bear attacks.

Book to read before asking for a raise.

 

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When nobody becomes somebody: Elvis Presley.

In August 1953, an obscure country boy named Elvis Presley walked into the offices of Sun Records. He aimed to pay for a few minutes of studio time to record a two-sided acetate disc: “My Happiness” and “That’s When Your Heartaches Begin.”

A Boy From Tupelo. Early Elvis Presley recordings.

He later claimed that he was merely interested in what he “sounded like”, although there was a much cheaper, amateur record-making service at a nearby general store. Biographer Peter Guralnick thinks that he chose Sun in the hope of being discovered. Asked by receptionist Marion Keisker what kind of singer he was, Presley responded, “I sing all kinds.” When she pressed him on who he sounded like, he repeatedly answered, “I don’t sound like nobody.”

Elvis Lives! anagram t-shirt

Keep hope alive with this positive anagram about the King of Rock and Roll.

Elvis couldn’t imagine what was coming next for him. How could he foresee a glorious career of legendary fame and musical adventure? The future is hidden until it happens. You never know what you might be capable of, until later. If you knew what was in store for you, life wouldn’t be nearly so interesting. So maybe it’s time for you to head down to Memphis.  You never know what might come of it.

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