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First, the lawn. According to noted biologist Edward O. Wilson, “Lawns are a monoculture of alien species, a rapacious consumer of water, and require toxic chemicals to maintain which eventually make their way into aquifers and stream headwaters.”

Now, Kim. According to the tabloids, “Kim Kardashian has had fat transferred from less desirable areas and put into her buttocks and hips. She has most likely had an open septorhinoplasty to slim the bridge of her nose. She has undergone breast enlargement and uplift. And she has most likely had laser treatment on her hairline to make it neater.”

So how have we arrived at a point where we’re attempting to contour nature the way a pop culture celebrity surgically alters her body?

We owe the start of lawn maintenance to the British aristocracy of the 1860s. These sophisticates first introduced the idea of the “weed-free lawn” in an attempt to show affluence. Homeowners were encouraged to display their wealth by keeping pristine grass lawns instead of using the space to grow food. Before this trend took over, people actually pulled grass out of their lawns to make room for weeds, which were often incorporated into family salads and herbal teas.

Today, homeowners proudly display their “green thumb” by making sure their yard is micromanaged like a Martha Stewart dinner party. Most have no idea that this carpet of chemicals ranks just above bare concrete as a pox on our planet.

To which we say: let thy lawn go native!* Not only will this positively impact the environment by dispensing with gasoline, pesticides, and unnecessary irrigation, you’ll immediately begin to enjoy the simple pleasures of fresh air, blue skies, and plenty of extra hammock time! Plus you’ll gain an appreciation for the beauty of wildflowers, and learn to love such growths as Digitaria Sanguinalis.

If you still have a hankering for landscaping, then it’s best to choose species indigenous to your area, rather than planting exotic trees and shrubs with no concern for their geographic origin. The local variety produces more insects, which in turn attracts birds that provide a check on pests. It is personalized conservation at its best, or what landscapers refer to as “biophilic design” – integrating nature into our modern environments.

It may be too late for Kim Kardashian.  But it’s not too late for us!

*Even better, knock down your house and live in the wild. Your neighbors might object; it can take awhile for humans to adapt to new situations. Offer them some tomatoes and beans from your new organic garden, and perhaps they’ll think twice about calling the town’s Planning and Zoning Commission to have you removed.

Henry Bergh? Who is that, you ask?

Here’s a hint: This man with the drooping mustache was a dog’s best friend. And a cat, horse, gerbil, parakeet…

Any animal you could possibly grow attached to owes a debt of gratitude to Henry for his dedication to their well-being. For on this day in 1866, The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) was founded in New York City by the indomitable Mr. Bergh.

After stepping in to prevent a carriage owner from beating his fallen horse (a not untypical scene in the mid-1800s), he realized there was much to be done to protect helpless animals. So he decided to resign his diplomatic post and devote the rest of his life to advocating for all creatures great and small.*

Among other achievements, “The Great Meddler” (as newspapers dubbed him for  upbraiding those who treated animals like slaves) developed the clay pigeon, to spare live birds from being blown to bits by thoughtless sport shooters.

To say he had a big heart would be like saying Lassie was just another collie. So in honor of this early animal rights activist — who, in true SuperOptimist fashion, turned unfortunate circumstance into positive action — we encourage you to partake in Wear-a-Mask Wednesday. (It only seems fitting that Henry looks a bit like a Bloodhound mixed with a Weimaraner, sporting a Yorkie Poo mustache.)

Want to go further? If you’ve got a few bucks to spare, a donation to his favorite organization would help matters.  Or if you’d like to assist animal shelters, that would be swell too.

*Fun fact: Henry got in a tussle with P.T. Barnum over the showman’s treatment of snakes and other “performers” — which Barnum stoked for its publicity value.  But over time, Barnum came to appreciate Bergh’s mission, so much so that he left sizable donations to humane organizations in his will and even erected a statue in Henry’s honor.

They who dream by day are more cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only at night. E.A. Poe*

We have written about dreams before, and for good reason. What else in life can offer so much pleasure and escape from the confines of reality, yet not cost a dime or leave a scar (assuming you don’t identify as a somnambulist.)

In addition to imaginative conjuring during the witching hours, it’s high time to celebrate the brain activity that occurs when eyes are open, yet focus on the external world is relaxed.  We may think daydreaming is a small part of our cognitive motoring, but it actually accounts for up to half of all our waking thoughts.

So rather than spend half your life with your mind-wandering in a state of semi-conscious incapacitation, exercising a bit of discipline on your flights of fancy can  prove most rewarding. “Deliberate daydreaming” is both good fun and 132% necessary to generate ideas that can propel the world forward. Especially as we enter a crucial period where our very lives depend upon solving big issues like economic inequality, climate change and how brick and mortar stores can overcome the amazon death grip.

Constructive daydreaming involves an intentional shift in focus away from whatever is in front of you (computer monitor, packed subway train, half-eaten fruit salad) to the “default mode network” of the brain, which can spark better ways of problem-solving. Pre-loading an area of interest before taking off for la-la land can focus one’s dreaming, making for time spent (somewhat more) wisely.

Of course, some people view daydreaming as a form of procrastination and insist that it’s bad for business.  The suits in corporate are apt to chastise an employee with their feet up, pencil slack, and a thousand mile stare on their face. But don’t let the nabobs of negativism get you down. Instead, hand them this article from a Harvard-branded “strategic facilitator” and tell them to leave you alone for the next several days.

And if you want to increase your Autopilot Cogitation Potential® a hundred fold, we suggest you pack your thoughts and fly to Daydream Island Resort, reopening this month after being whacked by Cyclone Debbie two years ago.

Finally, a word of caution: if you find it difficult to emerge from the spaced-out state once you enter it, you may have developed a condition known as “Maladaptive Daydreaming.” If you’re finding yourself drooling onto your desk, or idling at a green light until the driver behind you knocks on your windshield with a crowbar, there’s help for you here.**

*While some might question the benefits of daydreaming like Mr. Poe, his work was certainly the better for it. 

**Like all addictions, compulsive fantasizing must be self-diagnosed.

 

 

We are raised to believe that there is “good weather” and “bad weather.” So we learn to say 80 degrees and balmy is good, and 33 degrees and rainy is bad.  Above 90 degrees is “miserably hot,” below 20 degrees is “freezing cold,” and what we are experiencing now with the polar vortex is just plain awful.

Yet what if we were to drop the designations of positive and negative, and just accept that the weather is simply weather; constantly changing, oft times challenging, and always interesting!

Sometimes when the weather seems ungodly, it is a fine exercise for to run out the door and experience the truth of it.  Bitter winds, jaw-dropping temperatures, the works. If the spirit moves you, scream and howl and let your body awaken to it.  Feel the truth in your body, not what the 5-day forecast is telling you. You will almost immediately discover that the weather may not be bad at all — but is actually quite stimulating.*

On the flip side, severe weather can remind us that the world is made up of forces bigger than we are, which makes our issues feel minor in comparison. Plus, there’s less social pressure to get together with others, which means you won’t have to make small talk about “how f-ing cold it is” or hear about your neighbor’s latest trip to Florida “where it was sunny and 85 degrees.”  Better to hunker down with a good read and a cup of soothing Djarling. How about Nikolai Gogol’s “The Overcoat?

*It’s also recommended to take your camera with you, for as the professionals say, “Bad weather makes good photographs.”

 

“Explain why you decided to walk across the United States barefoot.”

“Explain your inspiration for spending 10 years in a Nepalese cave.”

“Explain what motivated you to jump your motorcycle over the Snake River Canyon.”

“Explain why there’s no amusing illustration on this page.”

The world is filled with bystanders who question the event but who do not take part.  Also known as onlookers, gawkers, or rubberneckers, they can be seen with jaws agape as a sword-swallower takes the stage, a daredevil leaps from a 200 meter springboard, or an organist sets fire to his instrument before commencing the concert.

Everybody on the sidelines wants to hear another story. And they all want an explanation for activities that stretch beyond the norm. That’s why there are gossip columnists, lawyers, and prison wardens.

Ignore them! Forget the explanations and just keep jumping off your own metaphorical high dive. Let your work – or your inactivity – speak for itself!*

*Why didn’t we put a picture on this page? We’re not telling!

While we’re all familiar with government-mandated holidays, thanks to corporate interests, every day of the year now constitutes a celebration of sorts.

Surely you’re aware of National Corn Chip Day, National Personal Trainer Awareness Day, and National Static Electricity Day? All can be found in our current month.*  But we can think of no day we enjoy more than January 15th—National Hat Day!

Perhaps it’s because we tend towards the pragmatic, but wearing a hat on a January morning seems to make a lot of sense (especially in the Northeast). But we also like how this holiday jars us from our usual knit cap approach to reach in the closet for something special.

While there are many choices, from Stetsons to pith helmets to feathered French chapeaus, today we highlight the fez for your consideration. A felt headdress in the shape of a short cylinder, it is named after the city Fez, the kingdom of Morocco until 1927. Because of its impractical nature (as a headdress for soldiers, it made the head a target for enemy fire, and provided little protection from the sun), the fez was relegated over the years to ceremonial wear and was taken up by various fraternal organizations, among them the Shriners, whom we admire for their ability to fit into tiny automobiles.

While we will proudly sport our fez today, rest assured it will be indoors. We have no intention of chasing a blowing hat down 8th Avenue in the frigid winter wind.

So here’s to National Hat Day! We doff our caps to you.

*By some counts, there are over 1,500 national days of commemoration in the calendar. As for SuperOptimist Day? We’re in continual celebratory mode 24/7/365.

New day, old patterns?

If you find yourself making an effort to bust out, yet already backtracking on this promise to yourself, you are not alone.  But rather than being pulled by the forces of same old same old, perhaps it’s time to deprogram yourself once and for all.

“But wait!” you might say. “I’m not part of a cult. Isn’t the term ‘deprogram’ going too far?” We may think we operate on the strength of our own free will, but the truth is, we’re all members of many cults:  The cult of the smartphone, the cult of mindfulness fads, the cult of artesan cheese boards, the cult of “what will my friends think of me if I opt out of all these cults.”

Still questioning your cult status?  Ask yourself, “Is that really me in those retouched Instagram photos, or is it a reflection of belonging to yet another social media cult?”

Here at SuperOptimist Central, we find ourselves similarly brainwashed, most prominently by the cult of Wall Street.  Like Pavlov’s dogs at the sight of a white lab coat, we’ve come to salivate whenever a stock ticker appears in our field of vision, followed by a hit of dopamine when the market is going up.  Of course, we suffer the tug of disappointment when a the numbers are in the red, and a full blown anxiety attack when the losses become precipitous.

We’ve been duped into thinking that our investments are the engine that will provide us the opportunity to one day be “free.”  Yet how much time do we spend being free, as opposed to counting and recounting the amount we need to survive into dementia-land?  You already know the answer.

Still, there’s nothing to be gained by flagellating ourselves; everyone becomes ensnared by the trickery that society imposes. Even the last of the self-sustaining hunter-gatherers, the Bushmen, now face societal pressure to “get with modern life.” Which shows you how insidious the pull of today’s cults can be.

So what can we do about our entrapment? It’s time to deprogram!  While there are experts who can perform interventions to cure you of brainwashing,  here’s a short guide to doing it yourself whenever you’re reaching for the lever in your Skinner box:

  1. Step out of the matrix.  Whether at work, with friends, or in the arms of your family, remember you exist in the middle of a vast scheme that has secretly created all your cravings and desires.  By detaching for a moment, you can see just how nuts the whole kit and kaboodle really is.  This allows you to reassert your power of authority over that next slice of strawberry cheesecake, new car smell, youth-enhancing cream, and mindless responsibility.
  2. Replace materialism with creativity. The best way to get even with cult-like vise grip is to make some art that has nothing to do with success, beautification, or binge-watching.
  3. Seek knowledge from experience, not the internet. All too often when in doubt, we turn to the latest reports, studies, or youtube videos to find out how to handle our problems.  This is another form of cult-like behavior.  Take a walk outside instead.  Instinctively, you know how to handle what you’re facing better than a whole day googling “why do I have body dismorphia when looking at pictures of Olga Sherer.”
  4. Read a good book. Here are some suggestions, but don’t take them. Go to the library and see what your hand touches first.

“My Year of Rest and Relaxation” – Ottessa Moshfegh

“Killings” – Calvin Trillin

“Instant Zen” – Thomas Cleary

“Winnie-The-Pooh” – A.A. Milne

There’s lots more ways to deprogram yourself and reboot your internal mainframe.  But at least these can get you started when you find yourself being tickled by the vagaries of societal conditioning.  Here’s to a great year of disentanglement, and the new adventures it brings!

*It’s interesting that “cult” and “culture” sit close to one another in the dictionary.  When you wander into a Chelsea gallery and see a Jeff Koons play-doh sculpture for $20 million, you realize why.  Best not to confuse the two words or else you’ll join the cult of overpriced art owners!

Lots of people play it safe as they age, and for good reason. “Safe” seems to be a wiser choice than “sorry.” But could it be that we actually have that backwards?

Adhering to a predetermined routine means you know pretty much what each day is going to bring, even before you live it.  In the meantime, the world around you is constantly changing, so the safe path you follow may be more uncertain than you think.

So how do we prevent ourselves from becoming ossified? To begin, The SuperOptimist recommends scheduling at least two risks a week into your calendar. But you don’t have to go skydiving right away. Try a few with a relatively high probability of success to start. Forgo the usual grape jelly and make yourself a peanut butter and honey sandwich instead. Break the routine and stroll down a different block on your way to the office. Turn off CNN and watch a video that offers insight into the nature of chance and probability.* Set your alarm for 5:00 am one morning and take in the sun rise. (Odds you can pull this off and not snooze alarm yourself back to 6:30? Let’s say 3 to 1).

Getting the hang of it?  Now you’re ready to double down on risk, where your adrenals kick up a notch and your sweat glands activate as you actually experience the shock of the new. Take a month’s pay and visit your local casino for a few spins of the roulette wheel. You could win enough to pay off your mortgage, or you might find yourself without any money for next week’s grocery tab. Audition for an off-off Broadway show, despite your lack of acting experience. Your long shot might pay off in a featured role, or you could be driven from the theater with catcalls and brickbats.  Approach a stranger and say hello.  It could spark a new friendship.  Or maybe not.

No matter what happens, the chance of you coming out on top is 100%! That’s because whether you win or lose, succeed or fail, you get to face your fears, collect more information for the next time, and have a swell story to tell your friends back at the salad bar, water cooler, or locker room (where they’re doing exactly what they did yesterday. But not you!).

Want to know more about the benefits of risktaking? Here’s what a cognitive researcher from Carnegie Mellon has written on the subject, and here’s why risk-takers are a smarter breed of human, according to scientists in Finland.

Vive la difference, et bonne chance pour la nouvelle année!

*Other words to add to your vocabulary include: odds, uncertainty, randomness, fortune, fate, hazard, unpredictability, and surprise.

Happy holidays! Here at SuperOptimist headquarters, we favor meditation as a way of detaching from the madness of the material world and connecting with the universal truths that transcend trade wars, social media, and the quandary over wishing someone a “Merry Christmas” vs. a “Happy Holiday.”

To that end, in the U.S. a person interested in “mindfulness” is often told to begin their practice by meditating 20 minutes a day. They’re also encouraged to download a Headspace app, buy a special cushion and mat, purchase a statue of the Buddha, and sign up for a weekend retreat in the Catskills.

In India, it’s a bit different. There, a teacher would tell a beginner to start by  meditating 6 hours a day — no questions asked.

So how do you go from 0 to 6 hours all at once? Teachers encourage the practice of “Japa;” repeating a mantra or a divine name over and over again so it takes root in the mind.  Whether you choose “om,” “1-2-3-4,” “hare krishna,” or “cocoa butter” filling the mind with a simple word or sound will lead the practitioner away from the grasping, clinging and suffering generated by material world thinking and move you towards a higher realm of existence.

Sure, 6 hours of meditation a day may seem excessive. But if you want to rid yourself of anger, fear, sadness, and petty grievances (and gain the benefits of pure consciousness), why not give it a whirl?

The truth is, whatever practice you undertake can ultimately grow to 24 hours a day. It goes beyond sitting on a custom made zafu waiting for the chimes on your iPhone to go off.  Every waking moment you can actually be awake!

If you find this hard to do, we recommend you join a like-minded sangha, or spiritual group, so you may gain energy from others on the same path. Here’s one in the northeast where you’re always welcome.

In the meantime, may we all give a cheer for Jesus of Nazareth.  Whether or not he was the son of God, he was surely a bodhissattva with his message of love and tolerance.  No doubt he’d appreciate us putting aside our supposed differences to remember we’re all just flesh and blood. (And teeth that we can flash, if we’re so fortunate.)

*Notice the pictures of the monk and Jesus laughing. Our petty concerns would certainly elicit a chortle from both.  True, you often see them depicted as serious and dour.  But the monks we know have a great sense of humor.  We’re taking the leap and assuming Jesus did as well, since he was human like the rest of us.  Considering that every night Jesus would sit around a camp fire with twelve guys after a long day of speechifying and miracle work, it stands to reason there would be plenty of room for a few guffaws.

This week, we mourn the passing of a great humanitarian and leader, one who brought the country together in perilous times and who gave selflessly to his profession.

Carrying himself with humility and restraint, he led a ragtag team of soldiers to prominence in the face of great odds. (He was also a frequent guest star on “The Carol Burnett Show” and played the lead on “Mayberry RFD.”) So let us pause during a time of discord and division to acknowledge the life and legacy of one Kenneth Ronald “Ken” Berry.

Starring as Captain Wilton Parmeter in the ABC series “F-Troop. Berry was a man America turned to for comfort during the years 1965-67.  Although Larry Storch hogged more of the comic spotlight as Corporal Randolph Agarn, it was Berry’s indomitable work as Parmenter that was the glue that bound the men of Fort Courage together.* Going against the redoubtable Fess Parker in “Daniel Boone” on NBC, they were solid in their Thursday night time slot for the entirety of their 65-episode run.

Taking on the hapless role of kook, klutz and fall guy, Berry made frustration and failure into an art form.  And while the New York Times referred to him as the “bumbling hero” of the show, Berry was much more than that. Without the physical grace acquired from years of professional dancing, he could never have pulled off the tricky business of stabbing himself with his quill pen, becoming entangled with his ceremonial sword, and wincing painfully as his superior pins a medal to his chest – immediately earning his character another medal for being wounded getting a medal.

The fact that Ken was a trained in the mold of Astaire and was hoping to star in the next wave of movie musicals (which never materialized), only makes him an even more heroic figure.  For Berry didn’t quiver and buckle when his plans went awry.  Instead, he turned the lemons of show business into the lemonade that was “F-Troop” (and later, a star turn in “Mama’s Family”), never complaining, never pulling focus from his fellow thespians, always comfortable in his own shoes.

And speaking of shoes, Berry later became a spokesman for Kinney, singing and dancing to the “Great American Shoe Store” jingle in commercials seen coast to coast. While far from his dream of the big screen or the Great White Way, Berry gives his all in these 30 second spots, and the resulting sales marked a high point in the life of the now-defunct footwear chain.

And so, on a day spent saluting the passing of president #41, we propose that another man be given a full state funeral, with color guards, brass bands and horse drawn carriage.  For while the record of George H.W. Bush causes some to question his convictions, our nation can truly coalesce around a man who put a pratfall before his own wellbeing.   Ken Berry made this country grin from coast to coast — an act that can erase divisions, heal wounds, and cause warring factions to put down their weapons in order to giggle, snort and convulse with laughter.

*Even the “F-Troop” theme song was centered on the exploits of this great American.  Let us sing in remembrance:

The end of the Civil War was near 
When quite accidentally, 
A hero who sneezed abruptly seized 
Retreat and reversed it to victory. 

His medal of honor pleased and thrilled 
his proud little family group. 
While pinning it on some blood was spilled 
And so it was planned he’d command …F Troop!