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It’s Wear-A-Mask Wednesday!

Want to shake off the midweek routine and turn the day into something special?  We suggest altering your reality by donning a mask. While not everyone is cut out to be a shaman, spirit channel, or voyager to higher levels of reality, this ancient activity allows humans to “check in” with their identity, superego, and true self. Moreover, 1 person out of every 362 has the potential to enter a higher dimension of time and space. Maybe it’s you!*

*To find out, fashion a simple mask from paper or cardboard (or cut out the John Wayne “Duke” model shown above). Place mask over face, then go look at yourself
 in the mirror. Is it still you? If not, who? Ideally, you will be transported from your current state of reality and have a mystical experience. If not, be patient and try again. You are also invited to conceive a more personalized mask based on an animal motif or other natural spirit-guide. Enjoy!

 

 

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Be original. Copy someone.

Whether it’s writing, painting, or opening a kebab stand, conventional wisdom says that you must “find your own voice.” But is that true? Maybe instead of driving yourself mad chasing after that invisible ghost known as “originality,” you should just lock yourself away for awhile and get busy copying the person you admire most.

That’s what Ray LaMontagne did. Before he was a world famous musician, he was just another schlub working a dead-end job in a Maine shoe factory, with no prospects other than surviving another shift.  Until one morning he awoke to his clock radio playing  Stephen Stills’ “Treetop Flyer.” For reasons known only to the gods, the clock radio and Ray, instead of reporting for work that day, he decided to become a singer-songwriter himself. But how the hell would he do this, with no training up to this point?

With what little money he had, he bought a bunch of old records by Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell and The Big O, Otis Redding, and began slavishly imitating them. He basically holed up in his apartment for a couple of years and let Redding’s voice be his guide.  By being laser focused on transmitting The King of Soul through his own larynx, he developed his own skill set that eventually lead him to multi-platinum recording success.

Ray found his own voice by borrowing someone else’s. So if you want to make The New York Times bestseller list, quit your job, tell your friends you’ll be unreachable for awhile, and immerse yourself in the works of your favorite writer until you can type them all by memory. You want to be a professional squash champion, start by watching all the video of Mohamed Elshorbagy you can find while glueing a racquet to your hand. Whatever your pursuit, it won’t be long before your mind alters its circuitry based on the information you’re feeding into it.  And yet, you will still be processing it through your own passageways, so what comes out on the other side will be considered “your voice” — unless your goal is to be an Elvis impersonator.

How long with it take for you to hit the big time?  If you’re a fast learner, give it about five years. And then when you become a raging success,* be like Ray and admit your thieving ways without shame. There are no original voices. And isn’t that a relief!

*Notice we didn’t say “if.”  This is SuperOptimism, after all.

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National Nurses Week continues!

With Memorial Day coming up, and people taking the opportunity to do things they don’t normally do (navigating holiday traffic, eating cured meat, forgetting to apply SPF 50, firing up a barbecue), it’s time to turn our attention to the noblest of professions: nursing.

Nurses are there for you in times like these. They don’t judge questionable behavior, but instead provide care and comfort, even if it’s the result of a mistimed water ski jump.

Here at SuperOptimist headquarters, we don’t spend a lot of time looking at calendars or clocks, being that we’re busy making the most of every moment. So imagine our surprise when we discovered that National Nurses Week had already come and gone!

It turns out that this celebration of caregivers begins each year on May 6th and ends on May 12th — Florence Nightingale’s birthday. That’s nice and all, but it’s during national holidays that nurses should really be honored.   At this point, we remembered another tenant of SuperOptimist practice: celebrate whatever you want, whenever you want.

So we hereby extend National Nurses Week for another 72 hours, and encourage you to recognize and appreciate the nurses in your life. Not just the hospital variety, who will be working overtime due to the human need to pack in the most fun over a three-day weekend, but the mother who fusses over every sniffle and scrape, the neighbor who rushes over with a bandage after you slip with the electric hedge trimmer, the son or daughter who administers to the visiting parent as if they were about to expire, or the concerned friend who hasn’t heard from you in 24 hours and calls repeatedly to make sure you’re still ambulatory.

As for a gift? You can always send a fruit basket. But we recommend getting a large tattoo of your favorite nurse on a forearm or neck to show your unwavering devotion. Remember: nurses work hard, and they have to stand all day in ugly shoes.  They deserve more than a thank-you card.  Let the celebration continue!

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Harry and Meghan have more problems than you.

Take a quick glance towards jolly old England and Harry and Meghan’s Royal Wedding might seem like a fairy tale come true. Especially for an actress from L.A. whose previous job was starring in a so-so cable show on USA Network.  But after the big celebration, the Duchess of Markle is going to have to start curtsying to all the family members above her.  Since her husband is sixth in line for the throne, that’s a lot of prostration.  As for Harry, he’s marrying into a world of hurt, judging from the behavior of his brides’s extended family.  On top of that, the British tabloids make life a living hell for all the Royals, and the taxpayers grouse about how much it costs to keep them in castles and jewels.  But in the spirit of the blessed event, let’s congratulate Meghan on how far her can-do attitude has gotten her, and kudos to Harry for looking on the bright side of Meghan’s distinctly non-royal lineage.  Better yet, when you watch the nuptials from the comfort of your cramped studio apartment, thinking it might be nice to have great wealth and a title handed to you, remember how good you really have it.  You only have to curtsy if you really want to!

 

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Strike out on your own.

As Babe Ruth said, “Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.”  He never let the naysayers prevent him from approaching the plate with a swagger and a smile.  Yet plenty of people wanted to see him fail, and fail he did.  Not only was the Babe called the “Sultan of Swat,” he was also known as the “King of Strikeouts.” In fact, he led the American League in whiffs five times, and accumulated 1,330 of them in his career. If he had been afraid of getting beaten at the plate, he never would have launched 714 dingers over the outfield fence.  So take a tip from the Big Bambino; dare to fail, and laugh about it when you do.  Then get back in the batter’s box and see what happens next!

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Break a record today!

Thinking that life has become pretty routine? Wondering if the world will ever recognize your accomplishments in middle management? Concerned that your obituary will read like a boilerplate legal document? If you want to leave a mark before you go, we suggest getting your name in the record books.

For world-class athletes like sprinter Usain Bolt and tight-roper Nik Wallenda, attempting to break a new world record in their respective fields requires a great deal of intense training and unwavering focus. Luckily for the rest of us mere mortals, there are hundreds of other less glamorous records out there begging to be broken by anyone with a pulse.

How about “most t-shirts put on at one time. (current record: 31) Most tennis balls held in one hand (Current record: 26).  Fastest time to assemble a Mr. Potatohead while blindfolded (current record: 16.17 seconds). Most apples crushed with bicep in one minute (current record: 8). Fastest time to duct tape a person to a wall (28.53 seconds).  Most pieces of pumpkin pie eaten in 10 minutes (48, or 16.8 lbs. of pie).

Better yet, make up your own amazing feat to astound and delight.* Remember, all records start with envisioning the impossible, and then determining that you can overcome the odds.

*How about “most superoptimist.com blog posts read in a single sitting?” (This record is up for grabs, as far as we know).

 

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Open doors for others. Walk through them yourself.

If you find it getting stuffy in your home, office, car or — most especially — cranium, take a cue from Aldous Huxley and open some doors.

Now we don’t advocate taking drugs to break open the head.  Rather, we recommend literally opening the nearest door, walking out of the confines you are currently in and towards a meditation center, nature preserve, or art studio.* All are more genuine ways of breaking through to the other side, without the nasty side effects.

As Aldous said, “The ordinary waking consciousness…is by no means the only form of consciousness, nor in all circumstances the best. Insofar as he transcends his ordinary self and his ordinary mode of awareness, the mystic is able to enlarge his vision, to look more deeply into the unfathomable miracle of existence.”

So open all the doors.  And windows too.  Especially if there’s a nice breeze to be enjoyed.

*Huxley himself began practicing meditation years before he experimented with substances.  

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Mike Pence’s brother is running for Congress? Great news!

On the surface, Greg Pence is like many a blood relative of an established politician. Questionable business background, alleged bank cheat…but with that all-important name recognition that appeals to uninformed voters!

According to The New York Times, Greg was “president of a convenience store chain…that filed for bankruptcy protection and was assessed penalties of $8.4 million by the State of Indiana for environmental damage, caused primarily by leaking underground storage tanks.”  And there’s this: “A local bank where he also served on the board of directors, was forced to sue him to recover $3.8 million in debts that he had personally guaranteed, only to have to settle for pennies on the dollar.”

As for his ability to finance a run for Congress, his campaign war chest has been stuffed full thanks in no small part to —you guessed it — his dear brother Mike.

Based on his resume, it doesn’t appear that Greg deserves a seat in the House of Representatives.  So why is it a positive that he is competing in tonight’s Republican primary for the 6th district in Indiana? Because it proves that our constitutional system is still operating as it should!  Being over the age of 25, an American citizen and a resident of his state, Pence is free to throw his hat into the ring, even if that hat is unsightly and has a musty odor of impropriety.

The other good news? You don’t have to vote for him! If you’re a Republican, you can pull the lever for Jonathan Lamb. We don’t know much about Mr. Lamb, but he has signed a pledge to limit his time in Congress to six years. That sounds good to us, since those elected to the House tend to overstay their welcomes until they’re as old as…well, as old as Greg Pence.

Also running is Mike Campbell, who has the same name as the former lead guitarist for Tom Petty. Then there’s Jeff Smith, who lost in the last election by 50 percentage points to the previous incumbent. And some other white guy, because this is a Republican primary in Indiana, after all.

Only one out of every 600,000 people will ever actually win a Congressional race. Do you think it should be Greg Pence?  If you’re living in Columbus, Indiana, you’re free to say yes.  Or no!

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Yawn like a leader!

Some consider a public yawn to be a sign of ill-breeding, poor manners, and worst of all, an inability to control oneself.  Nonsense!  Your yawn is actually a sign that you are deep thinker, a hard worker, and, dare we say it, a leader in your field.  Here’s why:

Scientists at Princeton University postulate that yawning plays a vital role in your well-being by cooling your brain.  When you start to yawn, the stretching of the jaw increases blood flow to your cranium, while in turn forcing downward flow of spinal fluid.  Air breathed into the mouth during the yawn chills these fluids, like a car’s radiator cooling the engine.

So the next time you feel a yawn coming on, don’t stifle it. Don’t hide it behind a hand or elbow. Let your yawn announce itself, jaws agape, eyed clenched shut.  Whatever sound that arises within the cave-like expanse of your mouth set asunder, let it echo as if it were a note ringing out from the stage of the Metropolitan Opera.

End your yawn with a satisfying sigh and a smack of the lips. Should anyone ask why you’re taking so much pleasure in the act, explain to them the science behind the activity.   Of course you’re yawning!  You’re simply cooling your brain off, since yours has been working overtime.   Suggest to them that they’re not yawning because they don’t have as many world-changing ideas as you.   Watch as they suddenly start following your lead and yawning like crazy.

You are a leader! A leader of yawns!  Now isn’t that satisfying?

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Show your ghosts the door.

According to Mr. Miller, “Once you give up the ghost, everything follows with dead certainty, even in the midst of chaos.”  So if you’re tired of trying to do something because you aren’t getting what you want from your efforts, try giving up that particular ghost today, and see if it doesn’t bring everything into focus.  If not, invite a fresh ghost to take up residence inside your person.  At least you’ll be haunted by the specter of something new.

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