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Carry one of these at all times.

Lemons have suffered from an image problem since they first came to fruition. Perhaps this is due to their stinging acidity and tough skins (although both are considered positive traits in news columnists and football coaches). Not only does a “lemon” refer to a substandard product — most typically a used car — but it’s also used to mean “disappointing result” or “something unwanted.”

But as any SuperOptimist can tell you, it pays to step beyond conventional thinking and seek the truth for yourself.  Lemons are healthy fruits, rich in vitamin C and other nutrients, used in a myriad of wonderful products, from lemonade and lemon meringue pie.

Even better, lemons are a natural way to gain control over spiritual forces in the universe. They’ve been used for years by Feng Shui practitioners and Buddhist monks to keep negative energies at bay and enhance both health and mood. By placing a lemon in your pocket and taking it with you as you travel, you can protect yourself from the bad juju you may encounter while you are on the go.* Even easier, you can sport the positive lemon on clothing and save yourself any lemon-juice clean-up.

On the home front, you can halt negative vibes from entering and spreading through your domicile by cutting a lemon into four and spreading salt on each slice. Then place the slices at the entrance to your house and the lemon will absorb the creepiness from anyone who comes to your door.

What’s more, sleeping next to a cut-up lemon on your nightstand will add to your positive energy, as lemons have been used as a powerful aromatherapy oil for ages. Increased concentration, decreased stress levels, and smoother respiratory activity are just some of the benefits the night-time lemon will have on your health.  And as an added benefit, lemons also act as natural air fresheners and deodorizers. So why not put the power of the sour to work for you.

Wear this lemon t-shirt for good luck.

You are perfection when you wear the lemon.

*Note: If you choose to carry a lemon, it may dry up rapidly depending on how much negative energy you encounter. So make sure you replace your lemon with a fresh one, especially if you visit Washington, DC or any of these places:

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SuperOptimist Song of Good Cheer!

What is it about blues music that makes us feel better? Doesn’t it seem counterintuitive to listen to the lamentations of a heavy heart and have one’s spirit uplifted?

In reality, it’s perfectly natural. The blues connects with our deep desire to accept the world as it is, even if broke, lonely and desperate are part of the mix. Blues and gospel singers take their angst, sadness and depression and make something beautiful out of them.

Which brings us to today’s Song of Good Cheer from the resident DJ at SuperOptimist headquarters. Whether you’re a Christian, a Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, atheist, or still deciding, it helps to have a friend in high places when times get rough, as Mother McCollum suggests in “Jesus is My Air-O-Plane.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9Uc32EndJA

Only six tracks survive from the gospel-blues stylings of Mother M., billed as the “Sanctified Singer with Guitar.” Listening to her transcend the heavy burdens of worldly existence with her majestic singing and plucking, we feel like she’s piloting a Douglas Dakota DC3 towards heaven.

Oh, Jesus is my air-o-plane
He holds this world in his hands
He rides along, He don’t never fall
Jesus is my air-o-plane

Some of these mornings, four o’clock
This ole world’s gonna reel and rock
Reelin’ and rockin’ you can have no fear
Jesus is comin’ in his air-o-plane

You can run to the east, run to the west
You can’t find your soul no rest
Some of these mornings, He’s coming again
Coming through in an air-o-plane

And speaking of heaven, her album also includes a beautiful number Mother McCollum recorded regarding the vacation she planned to take once she took leave of this mortal coil. You don’t have to save this one for the afterlife to enjoy it.

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Start your next vacation now.

Another day, another deadline.  Already you’re swamped with wall-to-wall meetings and your nerves are tighter than Joe Biden’s latest facelift. So you can be forgiven for wondering how you’re going to make it through another long stretch before experiencing your next official holiday.

What’s a responsible member of the work force to do? Caring for your sanity and well-being should be a priority, but you can’t just light out for a long weekend whenever the board of directors does. That’s why we developed the “SuperOptimist Immediate Vacation.”

An I.V. provides instant gratification when it’s needed most by allowing your mind to escape its confines for a few welcome minutes. (Vacation has the word “vacate” embedded within, and for good reason.*) This momentary respite from gerbil-wheel cogitation can go a long way towards renewing your energy, your mood and your sense of humor.

So what constitutes the proper embodiment of a SuperOptimist I.V.?

1. Columbia University researchers found that exposure to the negative air ions created when air molecules are exposed to sunlight, radiation, moving air, and water generated feelings of alertness, mental clarity, and elevated mood. So your Immediate Vacation may be as simple as leaving the office and walking around the block. Just don’t tell anybody where you’re going.

2. Viewing a few pictures of your last vacation on your desktop can spark memory association of pleasant times while lowering your blood pressure. Keeping a tube of sunscreen in your drawer and taking a deep sniff can also ignite the senses to a time of peaceful clarity. Sun Bum makes a broad spectrum product that smells about right:

3. One tends to breath shallowly at work, which can clench rather than loosen the stomach, neck muscles, and sphincter. Close your eyes, place both feet on the floor, and breathe deeply through your nose for 5 to 10 minutes. If anyone asks what you’re doing, tell them you’re in the middle of an “I.V.” and to “GFY.”

The Immediate Vacation is at the ready when you need it. Give yourself permission to take one whenever it suits. Your ticket to getting away from it all is always in your possession. And unlike exorbitant hotel and airline charges, it’s 100% free!

*Did you know? The Adirondacks inspired the first use of the word vacation, as in: “One vacates from the city to exchange humid heat for fresh air.” In a similar fashion, one may vacate from work to exchange fetid thought for a clean slate.

 

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Good news about bed bugs! (Yes, good news.)

Cimex lectularius (bed bugs) are getting some serious press attention these days, and on both sides of the aisle. The President of the United States is denying one of his “luxury resorts” has an infestation, claiming he’s the victim of a liberal conspiracy, while The New York Times has recently discovered that the small, brownish insects are feeding on its journalists.*  

People really freak out over bed bugs, to a degree that’s not warranted. These aren’t like having a deadly whistling spider in your your bed, or waking up to a kissing bug making a meal of your mouth.

First off, it doesn’t hurt when a bed bug sucks your blood. And while bed bugs can harbor various pathogens, transmission to humans has not been proven and is considered unlikely, as any medical professional will tell you, Good news!

And sure, it’s a bit of a nuisance to get rid of the pesky creatures. But look at the positive side. It will force you to clean your carpets and curtains. They were due for a wash anyway, right? Same goes for your clothes and linens — now you won’t have to do the laundry for awhile! Plus you’ll be motivated to get rid of some of the clutter that can serve as a bed for bed bugs. Marie Kondo would approve!

What’s more, getting rid of bed bugs will also eliminate non-target pests, like spiders and ants and maybe centipedes too!

So while it may suck (literally) to discover bed bugs in your home or office, we’re here to tell you that things could be worse. For one thing, you could have scabies. There, don’t you feel better now?

Still looking for a safe, non-toxic response to the issue? Here’s one for your consideration. It’s called Ecoraider.

*Also if someone calls you a “bed bug,” don’t take it so hard. As we’ve pointed out, bed bugs are pretty tame compared to some other pests. If someone calls you a Formosan termite, well, that could be something to get worked up about.

And thanks to SuperOptimist Matt Olsen for giving us the itch to write about this important topic.

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SuperOptimist of the Week: Bill de Blasio!

The lame duck mayor of New York? “Why him?” you may ask. He’s a politician who is disliked by his own city, his own state, his own party, and probably every single person who’s reading this right now.

And that’s exactly the reason we’re naming the sanctimonious, arrogant and annoying Bill de Blasio as our SuperOptimist of the Week!

For even though everyone who comes in contact with Bill de Blasio winds up thinking he’s a giant a-hole, he keeps forging ahead. Undaunted by hecklers.  Undeterred by the polls.  Unapologetic for spending taxpayer dollars commuting to a gym in Park Slope when he could join a New York Sports Club two blocks from his Manhattan office.

In a world where the average person is desperate for validation and heavy “likes” on facebook, how does Bill do it? How does he ignore the fact that he’s a punchline for pundits, late night comics and even his wife Chirlane?

Bill has a special superpower that few humans have. He has succeeded in overcoming his negativity bias to accept and embrace himself without exception. And so, despite the carping of his critics, Bill de Blasio continues to like, respect and celebrate the most important person in his life: Bill de Blasio!

We should all enjoy our own company as much as “the Blas”. After all, there’s no other person we’ll spend more time with during our stint on Planet Earth. So why not start today by giving yourself a deck of affirmation cards to remind yourself just how beautiful you are.

Now maybe Bill de B. goes home to Gracie Mansion at night and cries himself to sleep. But we doubt it. According to Chirlane, he’s up late trying to restore heat to a constituent’s apartment in the Bronx.

Here’s to having that same sense of self-worth that Bill de Blasio has.*

*Without having to actually be Bill de Blasio, of course. No one would wish that upon themselves.

 

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Dissatisfied with the candidates for president? Here’s 780 more to choose from.

Our search for the ideal candidate leads us back to Bill McKay.

Had it with the current occupant of the Oval Office? Not feeling an affinity for the alternatives you’ve seen crowding the stage on CNN? Fear not, dear voter! For here’s a list of all 799 candidates for president, most of whom have not been given a minute of airtime on any cable network.

Take a look and see if a name grabs you. Then do a little digging. Chances are, they have an introductory video on youtube, like Santa (his legal first name), who if elected plans to sell Air Force One on eBay and make his cat the vice president. Or Mike Bickelmeyer, a former Domino’s Pizza driver and Holiday Inn bellhop who presents a humble portrait, complete with tax returns stretching back years. Then there’s Voice Over Pete, who’s running on the internet privacy and gaming platform and has it in for Mark Zuckerberg.

Surely there’s someone here that can fulfill your wish for a Commander-in-Chief. Still not enticed by a candidate’s message? Then take matters into your own hands! America is the land of the free and home of the long shot. Here are the instructions for tossing your hat into the ring.

And remember, even if you don’t reach the pinnacle of power, you’ll still be in position to accept a cabinet post by getting your name out there. But make sure you have a good working knowledge of the Constitution and ideas for how to revise the 232-year-old document to better reflect life on earth now.

Here’s a primer to help a candidate frame their proposals.

Good luck, and may the most positive, uplifting, and well-mannered candidate win.

It won’t be long before we see candidates who are artificially manufactured taking the debate stage at the Fox Theater in Detroit. Will we be able to tell the difference between the cyborgs and the flesh and blood versions? Stay tuned.

 

 

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Take yourself on a spacewalk.

Landing on the moon was the height of accomplishment for Apollo 11 astros Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins, and we continue to celebrate their feat to this day. But government-sanctioned space pilots are not the only ones with the ability to launch themselves into orbit. With a bit of concentration, you can too!*

All you need do is develop your SuperOptimist Antigravity Practice (S.O.A.P.®). Simply stated, S.O.A.P is the ability to picture the world from above. It can be as simple as gazing down from the ceiling at an event transpiring in the room in which you’re sitting. Or as far-flung as having your gaze come from another galaxy entirely, to render the world as a mere blip in the cosmos.

By looking at existence as if standing on your own private observation deck – one that you can shift to any elevation – you gain an outlook on life that renders any situation manageable. Suddenly, the traffic jam you’re in becomes a curious abstraction, the endless meeting at the office a gathering of tiny heads all nodding in sequence, the blank piece of paper a simple square of white without the power to paralyze.

Consider the photos taken by NASA explorers. From their position high above our planet, it looks as if they’re peering into a microscope that can shrink an entire galaxy to the size of a postcard. This point of view has such a powerful impact on their consciousness that they speak of it expanding their understanding of existence.

But it’s not just astronauts who can develop this ability. Researchers operating in the social sciences term it “self-distancing,” and recommend it as a way to decrease stress and make difficult tasks easier. Just by leaning back in your chair when you’re working on something difficult, you can ease the burden and give yourself more perspective on the situation. Fully activate an abstract view of the problem at hand and your ability to solve it multiplies exponentially.

Now try this practice by imagining yourself far in the distant future, or hovering near the ceiling watching the proceedings below in a detached way, or even entering the body of a different person in your general vicinity. How would you describe this experience?

When stuck in a cubicle, or an airport, or an endless holiday gathering, it’s quite useful to teleport upward and gaze at the situation with aloofness. You can feel the tension disappear, your humor return, and an empathy arise for the people around you who are suffering through another exceedingly dull patch without the benefit of your gravity-defying abilities. Your SuperOptimist Antigravity Practice is an invisible spyglass that offers you perception beyond normal sight.Turn to it often, and enjoy a way of seeing that puts everything – yes, everything – into perspective.

*For complete instructions on venturing into space, we recommend “A Wise Man Taught Me How to Defy Gravity and Now I’ll Teach You.”

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Praise the people who ignore your instructions.

O glorious day! For July 3rd is the anniversary of Franz Kafka’s birth.

And yet, we prefer to roll out the sheet cake for his friend Max Brod.  If not for dear Max, we’d have no idea who Franz Kafka even was.

As it turns out, Mr. Brod was the reticent author’s lifelong pal and literary executor. In failing health, and having received little acknowledgement for his storytelling efforts, Kafka entrusted Max to destroy all his unpublished work upon his death. But when Franz finally met his maker,  Brod ignored his deceased friend’s wishes. Instead of torching Kafka’s manuscripts, he had them published instead.

Without Brod making that fateful decision, Kafka would have remained an anonymous insurance man who wrote fiction on the side. And we would not have  “The Trial,”  “The Castle” or “Amerika” to read, ponder and cherish.  So on this blessed July 3rd, we give thanks for Max Brod — and the reminder that it’s occasionally beneficial to listen to voices other than our own.

 

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On adding amazement to your day.

Another day, another set of absolute miracles taking place. And in every direction!

Wait, you didn’t see them?

Perhaps you have become inured to such marvels. You are not alone. Since humanity started about 6 million years ago with primates known as the Ardipithecus, miracles have become so plentiful in life, we take them for granted.

Yet all it takes to reignite the senses to the incredible phenomena that surround us is to pause and consider that it wasn’t very long ago that humans walked on all fours and had body hair they could neither groom nor shampoo. And today? In haircare alone, you have your choice of hundreds of fabulous shampoo brands! (Here are the statistics on the favorites from 2018.)

See how everyday occurrences we take for granted can become jaw-dropping revelations, just by reframing your perspective? Here are a few more examples that we’ve recently found deserving of deeper appreciation.

DAILY COMMUTE: We take a “train” pulled by a “diesel engine” that runs on “steel tracks” from one “state” to another. That’s amazing!

PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT: We work in a “building” that’s 52 stories tall, has 21 “elevators” and 189 “water fountains”. That’s amazing!

LUNCHTIME IN THE CITY: We eat a “pulled pork sandwich” from a “food truck” one block away, and they give us an “extra side of coleslaw” because it’s almost closing time. That’s amazing!

CHANCE AT GREAT FORTUNE: Twice a week we buy a “ticket” that qualifies us to win hundreds of millions of “dollars” if our numbers are chosen. That’s amazing!

MOBILE PHONE: We all stare at a “computer” the size of a human hand that offers endless news, games, televisions shows, weather, and “shopping opportunities”. That’s amazing!

STREET BUSKER: Every morning there’s a man near the 42nd St. “shuttle” who wears a “paper crown” on his head and plays “House of the Rising Sun” on a red Telecaster “guitar”. That’s amazing!

We could keep going like this all day. And you can too!  Any time you feel the heavy burden of routine starting to drag you into the darkness, close your eyes, click your heels, and remember that you have eyes and heels to close and click.  Then open your eyes, point at the nearest object, and marvel at it out loud.

“Wow, that’s a ‘metal file cabinet’ that contains sheets of ‘paper’ with words and pictures on it.  That’s amazing!”*

*Note: You may need to explain to onlookers why you are behaving like this, as they probably aren’t as attuned to the miracles of everyday existence as you are.

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The only competition worth winning.

It’s clear that humans like creating contests — and picking winners. There’s a huge number of competitions ranging from small local prizes to large international Grands Prix, judging what makes for success and failure, good and bad, winners and also rans. A lot of comparing goes on to decide who is “better” and who is “worse.”

People can go batshit crazy comparing themselves to other people. Is the winner really better than you? Do they have superior bloodlines? Did they go to an Ivy League college? Do they have deep skills you don’t? Why do people like hanging around them more than you? Is it their shoes? Do they have rich and powerful friends? Do they go skiing with famous people? Pure insanity!

The only competition you should care about is the internal competition with yourself.  Look at what you were doing five years ago and see if you’ve made any progress. If you do an honest analysis and have made no progress towards better work in the last five years – great! This realization means your progress can start today.

Take it from some accomplished artists: you never know what might set you on a new course.  Artists from Picasso to Gerhard Richter have radically changed their styles seeking a better way to express themselves. This kind of evolution is also available to you right now — free of charge — if you only give yourself permission to change what you’re doing and go “off recipe.”

Experimenting with a new style or process means going off the map into the unknown, and possibly taking a turn down a mysterious dark highway and ending up with one last $10 chip in a Northern California casino. But most people (reliable airline pilots excluded) are supposed to crash occasionally.

Here’s how Mr. David Bowie (the musician, not the spider), framed it:

“…if you feel safe in the area you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth, and when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.”

Are your feet touching the bottom? Wade out farther. Now isn’t that better?

Note: if you’d like more recognition for your efforts, we recommend purchasing a trophy for yourself.  The bigger, the better. When anyone asks how you got it, you can tell them “I’m a winner at life.” Who can argue with that?

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